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Dont Wanna Get A Camera Shoved So Far Up Your Ass That You Scream? Good News- Scientists Can See Inside Your Ass Via A Pill Camera

Capsule endoscopy is a procedure that uses a tiny wireless camera to take pictures of your digestive tract. A capsule endoscopy camera sits inside a vitamin-size capsule you swallow. As the capsule travels through your digestive tract, the camera takes thousands of pictures that are transmitted to a recorder you wear on a belt around your waist.

Capsule endoscopy helps doctors see inside your small intestine — an area that isn't easily reached with more-traditional endoscopy procedures. Traditional endoscopy involves passing a long, flexible tube equipped with a video camera down your throat or through your rectum.

To say that this is incredible is quite an understatement. I'm 40 now and I'm staring down the barrel of getting my ass probed, my prostate milked by a doctor, and having my spokes rubbed off by medical lube. Do. Not. Want. It's not because I'm a prude about my prostate. I'm not. Milk me like a fucking goat, daddy. I just dont wanna do that on that crispy paper on the doctor's table. Fuckin weird. Right when I'm about to relax, boom. Paper cut. Right when I'm about to relax, boom. My butthole clenches up. 

I look at my doctor and say, "Sorry. It was reflexive."

"Oh dont worry about that, Chaps. This will all be over soon. I've felt clinches ten times as strong. Your clinch was substandard."

Me thinking in my own brain 'how does he know my name is Chaps? My medical stuff says my actual name. Why didnt he call me Matthew? Should I be concerned about my weak clinch? How strong should a clinch be? Should it be able to pick up one of those thick kindergarten pencils? You know, the ones that you use while you are waiting for your pincer grip to strengthen? Great. Something else to be self-conscious about.'

"Oh ok," I say as Longtime Stoolie Dr. Rathmussen continues to probe like my ass with a tool that can only be described as one of those claw machines that take a stuffed animal from a troth of other stuffed animals. The zebra, much like my butthole, is sticking out just a little bit and waiting to be grabbed as the main prize. 

All of that is a thing of the past thanks to the miraculous nature of the medical advancement of the camera pill. You can swallow that thing and your body will move it through your body like the chills when you orgasm. To me, that is incredible. Well done, everybody.