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Seattle Dude Tries To Pull Off The "Office Space" Scheme, Is Swiftly Caught Syphoning $300,000+ From His Company

(SOURCE ($$$))

A Seattle man has been arrested by police and charged with stealing $302,279 in a scheme lifted directly from the hit film Office Space. 

Ermenildo “Ernie” Castro is facing two counts of felony theft and one count of felony identity theft. The affidavit alleges Castro ran a series of schemes starting last February, after a three-year career with the company, Zulily. Officials say he altered the computer code in his employer’s systems to reroute a small portion of the shipping charges from customer purchases to an account he controlled. The company’s fraud team quickly noticed the discrepancy. 

He was put on leave in early June and fired soon afterward. When Castro turned in his company laptop, Zulily found a document entitled “OfficeSpace project” that detailed the shipping scheme. Police say he admitted to changing the code, but says the company was aware of the alterations. 

Office Space is a perfect satyrical outlook on the every day rat race that is life. It touches on everything; utter disdain of bosses and the workplace, relationships, and slowly learning to not give a FUCK about anything as you get older. It's become a sort of bible to me, if you will, as I one day aspire to have the ability to do nothing at all. Just lay around, watch TV, eat what I want and when I want and in general just disassociate from everyone and everything around me.

Oh, and if my GF fucked a guy like Bill Lumbergh, I would never be able to let it go either

It also gives the playbook from one of the all time great hustles. Off the top of my head, there are two movies that detail perfect, PERFECT get rich quick schemes. One of them is Inside Man with Denzel and Clive Owen, the other is of course, Office Space. 

If you've seen Office Space and don't think to yourself that it's the perfect crime, you're a crazy person… so long as you place the decimal point in the right spot, that is. Should you pop that decimal point exactly where it needs to be, you're good to sit back, relax, and strap it down in the Caribbean with Milton and his red stapler in a few short years. Just gotta tread water until then. 

Should you not? 

Yeah, you're going to Federal "pound me in the ass" prison. 

And that looks like that's where ol' Ernie Castro is heading. Look, the guy had the right idea. Like I said, if executed properly, it's not just a victimless crime to boot. But a perfect crime. 

This Ernie Castro cat just doesn't know how to criminal, though. Take it from me, a person who grew up in a time where you had to illegally download internet porn. I'm a moron, but I would never EVER leave those illegally downloaded Limewire files in folders titled, "Busty blonde takes creampie in the asshole." 

Nope nope nope. "Not leaving a cookie trail" is the first lesson in "How To Criminal 101".

That's why my illegally downloaded porn files were getting hidden folders with mundane titles like, "2005 White Sox stats" and "Madden plays" and other titles meant to throw my family members off the scent. Ernie should have known better when he was in the process of ripping off $300,000 from his employer. Being from the Seattle area, it would have behooved him to label the folder "Pete Carrol should be crucified for not giving the ball to the best RB in football on the goal line" or something along those lines.

Not "OfficeSpace Project". Investigators will be able to put 2 and 2 together swiftly. 

PS - the dude who played Michael Bolton should have won best actor for the job he did in Office Space. Masterful performance. I could feel his anger when he was taking the bat to the printer in the middle of that field. Just sheer rage in his eyes. Excellent work. Sucks at crime though