I'm Triggered Online Over Justin Timberlake Being Taken 1st Overall In Chicago's "SNL Draft"!!!

You guys know the Chicago drafts. Different category every week, rotating guest, and lots of good banter between the fellas. Some arguing, some pandering, Chief will pick something like Bambi 2 (2006) as best animated film, WSD will mix up the words "objective" and "subjective", and all in all everyone will have a laugh and a hey diddly doo of a good time. 

BUT NOT ME RIGHT NOW!

That graphic got tweeted last night and I didn't sleep a damn wink! Timberlake going first overall in an SNL draft?!? That's like Gritty going first overall in an NHL draft, sorry Gretzky! 

I listened to it to get the reasoning. The man (who I am not supposed to name I think) who took Timberlake said it's because hosts is the weakest category so he wanted the best one.

And to that, to quote the great Jeremy Grey, I say "Erroneous! Erroneous. Erroneous on both counts!".

First off movies is easilyyyyyy the weakest category. It's actually stunning how weak of a category it is considering how many years and how many characters SNL has had. Here is the official list they had to work with:

Talk about a shallow pool to draft from, my goodness. If we are going with the idea of taking the weakest category first then Wayne's World has to go number 1, no doubt about it.

The key to a winning draft is sometimes, unfortunately, pandering. You have to think "what will the audience think of my pick?" more than if you actually like your pick. I got flamed, and maybe rightfully so, for picking "The Asteroid from Armageddon" in the draft of villains. I like outside the box picks, and that asteroid was a baddddd motherfucker. Dude was trying to murder an entire planet's worth of people. But it didn't really fit with how the drafts usually go so I was panned for it, which is also fair.

So if I had the number 1 pick in the SNL draft I think I would go Farley. Will Ferrell would also be a fair pick. I know our generation doesn't appreciate him on SNL as much as the previous generation, but a lot of critics say Eddie Murphy is the greatest cast member of all time. And while that may be true, old heads like Murphy, Gilda Radner, and even Phil Hartman aren't going to win you this draft.

I understand the so to speak "logic" behind Timberlake at 1:1, but it's flawed and as we already pointed out, simply not true. But what makes it worse is two of the greatest hosts of all time weren't even selected. Tom Hanks and Steve Martin both being completely left off the board is without a doubt the craziest part of this draft. I didn't think you have to be an SNL die-hard to know this, but maybe you do? I guess not everyone grew up with every SNL Best Of VHS tape, didn't watch endless re-runs on Comedy Central, didn't tape every new episode on VHS, etc. My family was obsessed with SNL growing up and it's stunning to see a draft not include Hanks or Martin as a host pick.

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For the males, I think the selections are good besides Norm. Unfortunately, while he was a very good Weekend Update host, you can't call Norm a top 5 male SNL cast member. Norm would laugh his face off if he saw that pick of himself. The most glaring miss that would fill that spot is Dana Carvey, who I would consider the best cast member of all time. Farley had more of an impact, but Dana Carvey is my GOAT. 

The females also is a pretty good list, but my pick would have been Kristen Wiig. You could also put a little someone named Amy Poehler in there as well.

Sketch is another category you can't reallllyyyy argue any of the selections, but I will say I was very surprised not to see Schweddy Balls, More Cowbell, Debbie Downer. I would have responsibly bet all of the money in Big Cat's wallet on More Cowbell being drafted. I'm just glad Matt Foley, Motivational Speaker was the first sketch off the board otherwise I'd have a full aneurism. I'm surprised to see Olympia Cafe on there, which while popular, you wouldn't expect to see in an SNL draft where Justin fucking Timberlake went first overall.

I already touched on hosts, and the other ones taken are solid, even Peyton Manning. He should be replaced by either Hanks or Martin though, no doubt about it. 

And then the last category, movies. "Weekend Update Anchors" would have been a deeper category, or even get more niche with "Weekend Update Bits" (Stefon the GOAT). Or gone more recent with "Digial Shorts" (Do you go with Jizz In My Pants, Dick In A Box, Threw It On The Ground, Laser Cats…). But movies is fine, even though after "Wayne's World" and "Blues Brothers" there's a pretty large drop-off. Though I will say "Wayne's World 2" is very underrated. And speaking of, we must give a shout out to Mike Meyers. Kinda crazy how stacked SNL is when this is the first mention of him in this blog. Just an all time great cast member.

I didn't intend for this blog to go so long, I'm just a big SNL fan and once my fingers started tickling the keyboard, it was full speed ahead. Plus blogging is fun and easy when you're passionate about a subject.

As for that 1:1 Timberlake pick, shame on whoever it was. Shame, shame, shame. Unless it was Jeff D Lowe, please don't rig The Dozen against my team, great pick man I love it!!!!