I don't know how this man in the Tom Brady jersey managed to pull this off. To remain so stoic. So restrained. So tolerant. So placid.
Perhaps he was just dead inside after that Jakobi Meyer lateral from hell, as I was. If this raving lunatic in the Derek Carr shirt had walked into my house in that moment and peed on my leg, I'm not sure I had the spirit left in me to respond. Maybe like me, he was questioning all his life choices. Or debating whether a God who is both omniscient and omnipotent could let something like that happen.
But because he's a Pats fan and obviously a stranger in a strange land, I'm going to give him all the credit for how he conducted himself. This is an absolute clinic on how to handle an unhinged piece of shit like this crackpot. This is the exact brand of passive resistance that has changed the world. He handled himself the way Jesus did. And Mahatma Gandhi. Martin Luther King. And between religious persecution, colonialism and systemic racism, those three were up against even worse fanbases than the Raiders have. Two of those names won Nobel Peace Prizes. And two have the stock market close on their birthday. This anonymous Pats fan hero deserves at least the former, if not the latter.
Major kudos are also in order for the gentleman in the red, patting Brady Fan's back and encouraging him to hold fast. May you all have someone like him by your side in moments of strife like this. Meanwhile the guy this shrew is with was not only utterly useless, but a disgrace to the proud legacy of John Matusak's uniform. The two of them wouldn't have lasted a half a beer in the old stadium in Foxboro I grew up in, I can assure you.
And as far as this woman? I suppose being a Raiders fan is its own punishment. Congrats on your sixth win of the year, you hideous succubus. Have fun back at your double wide outside of Laughlin, hag. Here's a few memories to help you enhance your enjoyment of a meaningless regular season win over New England:
Brady Fan had too much class to say it, but I don't. Kiss the rings, bitch.