A woman allegedly broke into Robert DeNiro's Upper East Side, New York City, townhome and began trying to steal multiple presents from under his Christmas tree in the early morning hours of Dec. 19, multiple outlets report.
Shanice Aviles, 30, was subsequently arrested on burglary charges, according to ABC 7. Aviles allegedly has 26 prior arrests for burglaries and petit larcenies, the outlet reports.
DeNiro then came downstairs to discover the woman. His daughter was also reportedly home at the time.
A lot to unpack here. First off, the attack took place at 2:45 in the morning. That means 79-year-old DeNiro heard the burglar while he was sleeping. No wonder this burglar has been caught 26 other times stealing, she must be loud as shit. The grinch shoved a Christmas tree up a chimney and was quieter. Cindy-Lou Who only woke up cause she needed some water, not because of the noise. This bitch woke up a 79 year-old-man in his mansion of a New York City apartment. You would think after 26 previous burglary arrests she would have worked out the kinks before swinging for the fences at DeNiro's house, but nope.
Now let's think more about it- DeNiro lives in the heart of the New York City. He sleeps through insanely loud traffic every night and is definitely hard of hearing. The garbage truck rolls by my apartment every day at 3:30am. There is honking 24 hours a day. Crackhead zombies roam the streets, shouting at their own reflections in car windows. And yet this lady is what woke DeNiro up out of his old man clumber.
My theory on why she was so god damn loud? She's out of shape. The article says she took the back staircase to his apartment. DeNiro probably lives in a penthouse. So she must've gone up dozen of flights of stairs for her ill-advised break-in. Bitch was for sure wheezing by the time she got to his apartment. Fighting for her god damn life. The first rule of breaking and entering is having an escape plan that doesn't include an ambulance for cardiac arrest. It's day 1 stuff, really.
So now after her 27th failed burglary we must ask- At what point is enough, enough? At what point do you throw the towel in? On the other hand, I admire her ability to never give up. Maybe if she put this effort into ANYTHING ELSE, she wouldn't have to steal? Literally anything else. With this drive and passion she could probably star in a movie with DeNiro. Well, maybe not. You have to be a Nepo Baby these days.... But ANYTHING else. She could definitely work at Barstool with that work ethic, I'll tell you that. I bet she'd show up to the ski house. She'd try to steal everything, but I bet she'd show up.