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The Browns Prove They Are Just As Bad At Math As They Are At Football By Saying They Had A Hard Time Adjusting To LESS Weapons Against The Bengals

I'm not a math major. Hell, I never even finished my journalism degree in college, which explains a lot. I left to start promoting parties and somehow that led me to eight hours a day typing out dick jokes on this website just so the commenters have a place to shit on me. But I do know simple arithmetic and I'm pretty sure this quote isn't adding up.

So the Browns had a hard time adjusting because the Bengals has LESS weapons on the field? Let me check that math real quick. 

Giphy Images.
Giphy Images.

3 > 1 = x

3 weapons should be harder to defend than 1 weapon, so obviously x = THE BROWNS DEFENSIVE COACHING STAFF ARE FUCKING IDIOTS.

What kind of dumb shit logic is this? The kind that has taken an extremely talented defensive roster and turned them into the team's biggest weakness. The Browns defense is 27th in DVOA, they have the fourth fewest interceptions in the league, and every other passing defense stat is middle of the road at best. 

This is the defense that was letting down Jacoby freaking Brissett. The Browns were handed a gift when a back up quarterback that everyone thought would be the weak link played like a top 12 guy. Even with that blessing the defense still shit the bed like I assume Chaps almost does every night during his 40 days of pizza.

Seriously, how does a guy with a history of diarrhea eat pizza for 40 days straight and not shit the bed once? I hope his wife invested in some rubber sheets because if Mt. Chapsuvius hasn't erupted yet then the island needs to be evaluated before his bowels are. 

Speaking of shitty, all the Browns defense had to do was not be terrible and the team would still be in the playoff hunt. Instead, defensive coordinator Joe Woods and his staff of dimwits ran this season into the ground before it could even get started.

It's not like the players are singing his praises either. On multiple occasions this year players have taken not so vailed shots at the defensive scheme. 

So why does Joe Woods still have a job? Beats the hell out of me. I can't imagine another company on earth where you could fuck up this many times, not do your job properly, pretty much everyone hates you, and you still keep getting chances. Maybe you can think of one…

Anyway, Myles was asked about every Browns fan on earth calling for Joe Woods' head on a platter and he gave what I would call a less than ringing endorsement. 

"Could there be better calls for situations? Of course but he's not perfect and neither are we."

Well I'm sold. Joe Woods should definitely invest in remodeling his kitchen because it sounds like he'll be in Cleveland for a while. At least that is the answer I get when I use the Browns' ass-backwards math. Just like the Browns' win total, none of this is adding up.

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This is probably a great time to remind you that "The Browns Is The Browns" hoodie is still in stock on the Barstool store.