There Is Nobody At Barstool Who Commands Less Respect Than Me
WARNING
THERE ARE DOZEN SPOILERS IN THIS BLOG
It became abundantly clear during our Dozen match last night that I command zero respect from my co-workers. I am a member of a Dozen team called The Family. The Family consists of myself, John Feitelberg, and our fearless leader dictator Barstool Reags. In my opinion, we've had a pretty solid season so far. Nothing special. After last night, our record is only 1-1-1, but we've played some stiff competition. We tied Ur Mom (i.e. lost in overtime) who was ranked 7th at the time. We defeated Dave Portnoy's 4th ranked Team Ziti. And if it wasn't for poor dictatorship by Reags, and Feitelberg being mere letters off on 3 different answers, we would have beaten the #1 ranked team in The Yak.
I like to think I've been a decent part of our team's success. I'm not carrying the team or anything, but I have won rookie of the week twice this year. Not sure how many other rookies even played those weeks, but I won nonetheless
Despite all of that, I have not earned a single ounce of respect from my teammates. Not one drop. I mean seriously, has anybody ever been ignored and made to look like dumbest bitch in the world
I would never turn my back on The Family (because I love playing The Dozen and I'm not sure if any other teams will take me) but holy shit do I just not exist on my team.
It's not entirely undeserved. I'm a high volume shooter. I like to guess shit. If there's a question about a Marlins 3rd baseman, I'm going to say "Mike Lowell" regardless of what years the question is about. If there's a question about a current NFL Head Coach, and I don't know the answer, I'm going to start mindlessly listing Head Coaches. I'm not there to sit on the sidelines. I'm there to get some shots up. Dion Waiters.
Our team missing the Biscoff question is the basketball equivalent of being stuffed by my own teammate, because he'd rather not even give my shot a chance to go in, but would rather take the ball himself and brick a blind 40-foot turnaround jump shot off the back stanchion. How can I succeed in a system like that? Is that someone I can play trivia with long term? Do we stand any chance of making the playoffs, let alone a deep playoff run if that's how were going to play the game? I'm not so sure.
If I'm not the least respected person at Barstool, then I don't know who is. It was never even a to take my correct answer. Not once did it cross Feitelberg or Reags mind that I might actually be able to contribute something.
The disrespect didn't stop there. I couldn't even get my name on the screen last night.
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Played the whole damn game as a power bottom. If anything I'm a twink.
AND ANOTHER THING. To say I "bricked my call-a-friend" is a little misleading.
I definitely fucked up, I'm not denying that, but here's how it went down. I was stupidly recording from my phone. We got a College Football question, and decided to call Brandon Walker. Without thinking, I reached for my phone (which I was recording The Dozen from) and went to call Brandon. As soon as I exited out my camera to make a call, I heard everyone start freaking out. I realized what I had just done. I had exited out of my camera mid-match. I immediately realized what I did, and put my camera back on. Never got to the point of calling Brandon Walker. Then Big Cat (being a class act), texted Brandon Walker's number to Feits. I was 100% sure Big Cat was giving us a fake number, but turns out he was just being a good guy. Feitelberg was able to connect with Brandon for the answer.
I guess when I type that all out, it does kind of sound like I bricked my call-a-friend. If anything, I could argue that nobody ever told me I'm not allowed to call if I'm recording from my phone, but that should have been common sense. Never mind. I did deserve that slander. Dion Waiters.
But I'm not going to sit here and blame Reags. This is nobody's fault but my own. There's a reason I command zero respect from anyone in the office. I'm too quiet. I don't speak up enough. I need to fix that. Part of the problem last night was that my microphone volume was turned wayyyy the fuck down, which I didn't realize until I watched the episode back. But I'm not using that as an excuse either. In my mind, I was SHOUTING Biscoff. In reality, I was quiet as a mouse.
"Umm, yes Mr. Reags I think maybe the answer could possibly be Biscoff." - My Bitch Ass
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I should have demanded it. I'm not blameless when it comes to the amount of respect I get around the office. I need to earn it. I'm going full Dion Waiters the rest of the season. There's going to be some ugly games. But one day I'm going to catch fire, and it's going to be glorious.
AND ONE FINAL THING. Reags. In regards to your 14th blog of the morning.
Don't deflect the blame onto Biscoff cookies. This isn't Biscoff's fault. They're fine cookies. I very much enjoy them on an airplane. I'm not sure what qualifies you to talk shit on them, considering you don't even know what the hell they are. I'm not sure Reags has ever eaten a Biscoff cookie in his life. He sure as hell knew nothing about them on The Dozen. He's been munching on off-brand Biscotts his whole life. No wonder he thinks they taste like shit.
I want to make it clear that I am NOT demanding a trade from The Family. Even though I've never seen a Fast & Furious movie in my life, and our logo with a picture of "Not Vin Diesel" means literally nothing to me, I would never turn my back on The Family. But we need to be better. I need to be better. Feitelberg needs to be better. Reags needs to be tarred and feathered, and then be better.
In unrelated news, I found this tweet pretty interesting.
Watch our full episode of The Dozen here.