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O'Hare Was Voted The Best Airport In North America For The 19th Straight Year Despite The Fact That It SUCKS


We live in an era of participations trophies. Organizations hand out awards to people for simply existing. Existing is the only thing O"hare has going for it. Literally the only thing. You want to leave this place? Well hop on the blue line or I-90 and ORD will be there waiting for you. Then it's your turn to wait. 

If you're like most Americans who fly coach, O'Hare is the perfect warm-up routine for your flight. Lines, too many people, little food, zero upgrades to your experience since 2001, and overpriced alcohol. O'Hare has it all. If you're looking for a single pleasant experience though, you better wait until you land. 

I have no idea how ANYONE could say O'hare has the best airport food. The author of that article must really love waiting 25 minutes for a McDonald's Egg McMuffin because that's really the only food option. Every sit down restaurant has a hotter real estate market than the actual city of Chicago. Your options at that point become a vending machine with saran wrap sandwiches or one of those little food stands featuring hot dogs or Chicago style hot dogs. O'Hare, the only establishment that thought to bring New York City style street vendors inside. It's fitting though because ORD is the hotdog water of airports. It's water and you'll drink it if you're absolutely desperate and there are no other options. 

I am not even sure that Globe and Traveler Magazine still exists. It was difficult to find, even for google. The first several tweets about the rankings were just links to other publications like chicago.gov bragging about the rankings. It's possible that GT Mag just employs one graphic designer who is in charge of changing the year on their article because these are the top 5 rankings for NA Airports

Best Airport in North America

1. Chicago O’Hare International Airport

2. Miami International Airport

3. San Francisco International Airport

4. Denver International Airport

5. Hartsfield-Jackson Atlanta International Airport

SFIA is the only place is San Francisco you can go without having to avoid stepping in human shit so that is a plus. You have to take a 30 minute shuttle to get a rental car in Denver, but you never actually leave the airport property. That's unique. Hartsfield has this train system shuttles you quickly to every gate that they say runs 24/7 but...it doesn't. At least when I was there last time. Land in terminal E at 230AM after a weather delay which means I had to walk 2.5 miles to the rental car area at the other end of the airport. So that's fun. 

The Chief Airport Rankings

1) Denver (incase the illuminati is reading)

2) Charlotte. Good food, nice little rocking chairs, plenty of room, and they have someone playing piano in the main area seemingly at all times. I don't mind getting delayed there. Other than O'Hare this might be the airport I've spent the most time in.

3) La Guardia, New York. La Guardia is the comeback airport of the decade. That place used to be absolute hell on earth. Now it's spectacular. Clean, spacious, good food, crowds are manageable. It's the only place in New York that I like. They did a perfect job. 

4) John Wayne Airport Orange County, CA. If you need to go to the West Coast and you fly into LAX you are doing it wrong. John Wayne Airport is always empty. No lines. No people. Not really any amenities, but you only need to be there for like 30 minutes. 

5) Raleigh, NC. It's largely empty all the time and it has cool old bi-wing planes hanging from the ceiling so you get a little nerdy history lesson on aviation if you want to read plaques when you're there. Since I am a nerd I enjoy that.