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Lighten the Fuck Up! She Arrived Home Early to Find Her Husband Having Sex With a Younger Woman...

Ivanchenko. Getty Images.

She arrived home early from Christmas shopping and was horrified when she discovered her husband in bed having sex with a younger woman… 

She immediately started screaming. "You're a pig! A pig with no honor! How dare you do this to me, your faithful wife of fourteen years!" 

Just as she was about to storm out, he stopped her. "Wait a minute, Honey, at least give me a chance to explain…" 

"Fine," she sobbed, "but these will be your last words to me. This time I'm really leaving you, and there's nothing you can say to convince me otherwise…" 

"Well, while I was driving home from work, I saw this young girl wandering down the middle of the road on foot, looking distraught, ragged, and down on her luck. I felt sorry for her, so in the Spirit of Christmas, I stopped and offered her a ride. When she said she had no place to go, I decided to take her home with me, so she could warm up a bit… 

"She was starving, so I made her a sandwich from the roast beef you wouldn't eat because it was 'too fatty'.The soles of her shoes were worn-out, so I gave her a pair you stopped wearing because they were 'out of style'. She was cold and shivering, so I gave her the sweater I got you for your birthday five years ago that you've never worn because the colors were 'all wrong for you'. Her jeans were torn and frayed, so I gave her the designer ones you liked but stopped wearing after your sister bought the identical pair… 

"Then, after she was properly clothed, fed, and ready to leave, she turned to me, and in a very pouty-sexy voice, she said, 'Sir, you've been very kind, so before I leave, if there's anything else your wife doesn't have use for any more that you'd like to give to me, now's your chance…'"

Then he looked directly at his wife and admitted his shortcomings. "I'm guilty of two things and only two things, Honey. I'm an extremely kind man and a hopeless opportunist. That's all this was. I love you, and I really hope you can forgive me…"                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                           

Vindog has been repurposing jokes since 1968! This is LTFU Joke #139!  

Just in case you missed the last one…