Power Ranking The Top 10 People Involved In The Wild Crowd Fight At The Bruins-Coyotes Game
This was an absolute banger! The opening battle scene in Gangs of New York is jealous of all the action and violence in this video. When I was writing this blog, the video already had 433k views and I am pretty sure I was responsible for 1/3 of them. I'm obsessed.
A good crowd fight needs three things: Solid contact on at least one punch, someone falling down a few rows, and security/police who are slow to respond to the melee. This bad boy checks all the boxes and then some.
So let's power rank the top 10 characters involved in this Royal Rumble.
10. Guy who drops the chick (Bad!)
If it weren't for the fact he absolutely leveled that chick this guy would be number one. He is a one man wrecking crew. He utilizes the high ground to perfection. Just dropping bombs on anyone and everyone who comes near him. And then when no one was close enough to deliver any damage he went aerial and dove off the top rope like Jimmy "Supafly" Snooka.
Unfortunately, if you drop a chick everything else is null and void. You are an asshole.
9. "Stop" girl
Every fight has at least one and they always sound exactly the same. For some reason girls think shreiking, "STOP STOP!" over and over does anything except ruin the viewing experience for the rest of us. No one in the history of fights has ever been beating someone's skull in and heard a chick say stop so they immediately froze in their tracks. Never.
To this girl's credit she only yells it three times and we can't actually hear her. As far as "stop" girls go she isn't as bad as others but they are all the worst.
8. Lazy cop
That dude wanted absolutely nothing to do with breaking this thing up. He saunters into the row, lightly pulls away a guy on the peripheral of the fight, and then lets that dude back into the action. Just a masterclass in dontgiveafuck.
I have a feeling he's going to be hearing about this from his superior. I gave some thought to ranking him higher because his laziness allowed us to have this violent masterpiece but in the end he is still a police officer. It's his job to protect people and he sure as shit didn't do it there.
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7. Girl who gets dropped
Ladies, for the love of god please stay out of your man's fight. I'm all about equality but 99.9% of the time it ends poorly for you and this was no exception. This girl got dropped like 9am Friday class your freshman year of college. One minute she thinks she is protecting her man and the next she is catching a five-fingered rocket ship into another dimension.
She would have been #9 on this list but the fact she popped right back up helped her climb a few spots. Have to respect the iron chin on that gal.
6. Guy who gets molly-whopped
A valiant effort from the low ground gets this guy a spot near the middle of the list. He is getting absolutely pummeled by two dudes, falls back a row, gets back up, and comes back for more. This guy is all heart.
Unfortunately, this guy's heart didn't do much except get him on the receiving end of some lunatic's flying DDT. I respect the effort though.
5. Dude commentating the fight
This is a tough spot for just about anyone. Most people just repeat, "Oh my god!" over and over and miss a golden opportunity to add some color to the action. My guy does say "oh my god" a few times but he also mixes in an "oh yeah" and "he hit the chick, he hit the chick!"
He gets extra points for the well timed "OOOHHHH!"s both times guys were flying through the air. Like a young Mike Breen honing in his legendary "BANG!" call, this kid might have a future. Maybe a guest blow-by-blow spot at the next Rough N Rowdy?
4. Uninterested usher
I like this guy's style. His body language says "I don't get paid enough for this shit" while his facial expression says, "these white people are fucking crazy." He makes absolutely zero attempt to break up the fight and why should he? This is just a side job so he gets the hook up on tickets for concerts at the arena. No need to risk bodily injury when Drake is coming to town in a few weeks.
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"Stop" girl even went and tried to get him to do something, but he stayed disciplined. A man of firm beliefs. I like that.
3. Dude trying to stop the fight via Jedi mind trick
This guy was a sneaky great part of the video. He sees the play developing but doesn't have it in him to physically stop it. He's like an aging NFL linebacker whose best years are behind him. But instead of doing nothing, he fires off some mean spirit fingers at the tussle and and seems to be whispering words of discouragement.
He is the antithesis of "stop" girl. He is equally as effective in his approach but at least it looks funny and doesn't annoy anyone.
2. Cop with the flying clothesline
Now this man is an American hero. Unlike his cowardly coworker he doesn't hesitate. He is, in fact, about that action. This guy lives for this shit. An adrenaline junkie who has been looking for a reason to hurl himself through the air since the day he graduated from the academy.
Not only does he have the balls to attempt a flying clothesline but he lands it with astonishing accuracy. In one motion he flies through the air, peels the top combatant off the pile, rolls back onto his feet, and starts throwing people around. Is that a city cop or Jason fucking Bourne?!
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1. "Just here for the show" guy
This guy is the best. He is presumably headed to the pisser and to grab another drink when all of a sudden he finds himself in the middle of a brawl. Right place, right time sort of situation. Everyone else gets out of the way but not this guy. He has a front row seat and it's not going to waste.
He leans back on the railing with a drink in his hand and a smile on his face. There isn't a single moment where he seriously considers jumping in. Even after the chick gets dropped he just looks around and soaks it all in.
The best part is that he doesn't even bother to pull out his phone. He is living in the moment. Zen as fuck. We should all aspire to be more like this guy. Everyone else is going home with a headache and/or a criminal record. This guy is going home with a hell of a story.