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We Finally Have Proof That Joey Chestnut Is A Mortal Man After He Admits To Sharting His Pants During An Eating Competition

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Joey Chestnut is the greatest eater in history.

He also holds the world hot dogs eating record—an incredible 76 Nathan’s Famous hot dogs and buns in 10 minutes, at the time of writing. His 2022 win marked his 15th title. He is also adept at a wide variety of foods stuffs. At the time of writing, Chestnut holds 55 World Records across 55 disciplines. That is a World Record of World Records.

When I used to think of the number 55 I would think of Junior Seau or Dikembe Mutombo. Now I will think about Joey Chestnut's bolus covered face and all the world records listed on his Major League Eating profile. The term GOAT is thrown around far too often these days, but the human garbage disposal from Vallejo, CA is more than deserving of the moniker. 

Here is a quick ranking of my favorite records that Chestnut holds:

10. Big Macs - 32 in 38 mins

9. Hard Boiled Eggs - 141 in 8 mins

8. Croquettes - 185 in 10 mins

7. Raising Cane's Chicken Fingers - 44 in 5 mins

6. Hostess Donettes - 257 in 6 mins

5. Carnitas Tacos - 82 tacos in 8 mins

4. Shrimp Cocktail - 18 lb 9.6 oz in 8 mins

3. Glazed Doughnuts - 55 in 8 mins

2. Chicken Wings - 182 in 30 mins

1. Hot Dogs - 76 in 10 mins

He is the nine-time winner of the Nathan's Hot Dog Eating contest held every year on July 4th, the Super Bowl of the competitive eating community. The 39 year-old is a household name from consuming large amounts of food at high rates of speed. Some call it a showcase of America's gluttony. I call it being a god damn American hero.

Chestnut came to Cleveland this past Tuesday to participate in a surprise Pierogi eating contest at halftime of the Cavs vs Lakers game. There are only two men whose greatness could overshadow LeBron James' return to Cleveland: Michael Jordan and Joey Fucking Chestnut.

The contest would be Joey vs three grown men. Sour cream was available. A Herculean effort would be needed.

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Joey ate 47 pierogis in TWO MINUTES! I asked him before he took the court if he had ever competed in a pierogi eating contest and he said yes. One time he ate 168 in ten minutes. I felt like I had to shit my pants just having those words reverberate through my eardrums.

Speaking of shitting my pants, for some odd reason the Cavs asked if I could come do some content with Joey before the game. I would be the only "media" member who be afforded the opportunity to speak to the greatest eater to ever walk God's green Earth. To say I was nervous was an understatement.

I've done some huge interviews in my day but this was a completely new level. Jaws himself. The fastest chew in the west. 

What if I ask him the wrong question? What if I pissed him off? He outweighs me by a solid 50 pounds and can consume my body weight in less that 10 minutes. Plus, we have all seen his hand-to-hand combat skills on display. 

I decided that he was probably sick of answering the same old questions. Does your stomach ever hurt? How do keep from getting fat? Do you buy TUMS in bulk? What about the starving kids in Africa?

The only way to even the playing field was to throw him off his game. I would see how the man who eats faster than anyone in the world could handle answering questions faster than he ever had before. I wasn't here to take it easy on him. I'm in the business of hard-hitting journalism. Just look at my hat and coat. 

He revealed whether he thinks he is the LeBron or MJ of eating, a hatred for lazy Europeans, that he shit himself during competition and more. Check it out below.