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Welcome To The Future: Cargo Shorts Now Have Insulated Pockets To Keep Your Snacks Warm

The cargo short is truly one of the fashion industry's finest achievements. Never has an article of clothing been so closely correlated to the direct advancement of society and human progress. Without cargo shorts, we are lost as a people. Unfortunately the world is full of evil and there are folks out there who wish to rid it of cargo shorts. The Hollywood elites want to subliminally eliminate cargo shorts from existence by sneaking lines in Superbad like "no one's gotten a handjob in cargo shorts since 'Nam". But trust me when I say that cargo shorts are the greatest thing that could have ever happened to us. Imagine not being able to carry your entire life along with you in your shorts. Seems miserable to me. 

But now the greatest thing to ever happen in fashion has just gotten even better. Because we now live in a world where cargo shorts have a special little insulated pocket to keep all of your snacks warm throughout the day. 

Food & Wine -- For the winter warriors who like to keep wearing shorts even during the coldest months of the year, the brand is launching a pair of cargo shorts with an insulated pocket to keep your Hot Pocket toasty no matter how low temperatures go.

The otherwise straightforward khaki shorts have a cargo pocket on one thigh labeled "hot" with the additional message "insert sandwich here," while the pocket on the other side is labeled "cold." The front also features a graphic of a devil with the quip, "stay heated."

A couple years ago I wrote a blog about this legend walking around with what looked to be an entire pack of Pizza Rolls in his cargo shorts. 

Now just imagine having a pouch full of delicious bite sized bits of pizza, but being able to store them in an insulated pocket to keep those suckers nice and warm for the entire day? Quick handful in the middle of the morning, quick handful at 2:30pm, quick handful on your commute back home after work. All of them as warm as before. It's genius, Lloyd. Sheer genius. 

The fact that there's a cold pocket on the other side might even be a bigger game changer. Imagine being able to walk around in the summer with a few ice cream sandwiches in your pocket? Hell, maybe even a couple of Drumsticks. Sticks are unreal. Now you can have them even on the hottest day of the year and they won't turn into a big soupy mess in your pants like they typically would before when you'd try to carry around ice cream in your cargo shorts in July. 

And who knows. Maybe there's even an additional pocket somewhere for you to keep all your other goodies with you that you'd need throughout the day. Phone, wallet, keys, laptop, DVD player, set of Monopoly, bike tire pump, cheese grater, you name it. Cargo shorts forever, baby.