That Self-Absorbed Scumbag Ronaldo Is Reportedly Signing A 2.5 Year, $200 MILLION PER YEAR Deal To Play In Saudi Arabia

There it is. The worst kept secret in soccer is coming true. Everyone knew this was going to happen because it screams Ronaldo. He cares about money, he cares about himself and now he gets to be the face of helping get Saudi Arabia the 2030 World Cup. Fuck outta here, Ronaldo. Can't have it again. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure I'd do the same for $200 million, but I'm not worth what Ronaldo is already. I'm worth enough to buy a house in the suburbs. $200 million for me does a whole lot more than $200 million to Ronaldo. 

Remember when Ronaldo forced his way out of Manchester United, it was all because he wanted to play for a Champions League team. He wanted to play for a club that was contending for championships. Like most of what he says, that was a lie. He cared about getting money. He cared about burning the Manchester United bridge - which when talking about the Glazers is really picking getting punched in the face or kicked in the balls. 

I know Portugal advanced out of group stage, but don't forget: 

Dustin Johnson and Cam Smith gotta go to Greg Norman and start asking for more money. Ronaldo's out here getting close to $100 million a year. They should at least get $50 or so. I mean we know the Saudis are just tossing money around for the hell of it, might as well take as much blood money as possible. Unlike Ronaldo, Cam Smith is also in his prime. 

So congrats on the blood money, Ronaldo. A stupid World Cup will be all your (and FIFA's corrupt ass) fault.