Dumping Them Out: Bold Takes + Beautiful Women

Welcome back to another episode of Dumping Them Out, where people come for the GIF's and tolerate the words written in between them. 

My favorite thing about writing Dumping Them Out is that is hasn't been cancelled yet. Unlike the video I dropped on Thursday that was cancelled immediately. I interviewed an NYC club promoter who I loosely know of through Twitter (i.e. complete stranger). I asked him questions like, "How are you so cool?" & "How I can pull mad chicks like you?" etc. etc. As soon as I posted it, people recognized the guy, and apparently he has some allegations against him. I had to take the video down. How am I supposed to know that a NYC club promoter who gets paid to fill bars with hot girls and shoot tequila would have a sordid past? 

I think I might just keep interviewing random people on the internet. Anyone who has between like, 1,000-5,000 followers. Maybe I'll discover someone talented. Or maybe I'll just keep picking problematic strangers and have all of my interviews pulled immediately. That would be kind of funny too.

Have we reached the point where we can no longer play Kanye West music in social situations? I think we have. Kanye has been my favorite musical artist for over a decade. I've defended him for years. Not in a serious way or anything. I never tried to argue that he was a good person. It was just the whole, "separate the art from the artist" thing. But being pro-Hitler might have put an end to that. It's so easy to not be pro-Hitler. Not once have I even considered being pro-Hitler. But Kanye just couldn't help himself. Donda 2 is probably going to slap so hard too. I might never forgive Kanye for ruining Kanye for me. 

I'm disappointed the College Football Playoff Committee didn't give -- the Ohio State vs Michigan rematch in the first round of the playoffs. They probably got it right, but I really wanted to see Ohio State vs Michigan again. Maybe we'll still get it, but I'd be pretty surprised if Ohio State can beat Georgia. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if we got 3 blowouts again. Hopefully I'm wrong.

When I start giving extremely bland College Football takes such as that one, you know I don't have shit to write about. I'm just trying to make it to the next GIF.

Alright, let's see. What other generic nothing takes can I make to get us to the next GIF. 

Here's one: I think the Buffalo Bills and the Kansas City Chiefs are on a collision course to meet in the AFC Championship. Josh Allen and Patrick Mahomes are such exciting players to watch. They can make plays with their arms and with their legs. Their ability to turn a broken play into something spectacular is unmatched. The winner of that AFC Championship game will go on to win the Super Bowl.

You know that somewhere else on the internet, somebody just typed out that exact same paragraph and thought, "I fucking nailed it. I can't believe nobody has hired me yet."

Alright there's 500 words, time for the Dumping Them Out Halftime Show. Today's halftime show is sponsored by Wikipedia. Wikipedia is a non-profit organization who relies on donations to stay online and thriving. Unfortunately, 98% of their readers don't give. They simply steal Wikipedia's information, and go on with their day. If we want Wikipedia to stay around, we need to start giving them our money. It doesn't have to be a lot of money. Even if everyone who reads Wikipedia just gave $1, that would be plenty enough to keep them in business for years to come. These next 2 GIFs are brought to you by Wikipedia.

On behalf of the Indianapolis Colts, I would like to apologize that we are playing in the Sunday Night Football game tonight. We don't deserve that time slot. We don't even want it. Do you think I want to watch an Indianapolis Colts game without a second game playing on a different screen? Yuck and gross. Apparently it's mandatory that the Dallas Cowboys are given the a primetime football game every single week, even if they're playing the least entertaining team in the NFL. Neigh. 

What if soccer just eliminated offsides all together? I'm not a soccer guy, but like everyone else I have been following the World Cup. Offsides ruins everything. It's hard to even enjoy a goal right away, because in the back of your mind you're just waiting for VAR to call it back. I'm trying to think of what the beautiful game would look like if there was no offsides. You would have a ton of people cherry picking, that's for sure. As soon as a team turned the ball over they would look for a Hail Mary kick down the field. That might be exciting. It would certainly open the game up. I think it would result in more goals, which is a good thing. 

Realistically, it would probably ruin the game, but maybe sometime we can have a meaningless tournament where they play with no offsides. That event seems perfectly ridiculous enough for Barstool Sports to organize. We'll also have a shot clock so we don't have to scream "SHOOT THE BALL!!!" at the TV all game long.

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Only 2 more GIF's left to go, so I just want to finish by thanking everyone who skimmed over these words to get to the Boob GIF's. Without people who like Boob GIF's, none of this would be possible.