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The Return Of Blog Wheel (Again) - Potato Gobbler Reveal

Welcome back to Blog Wheel for the first time since September 20th. To keep it a buck with you guys, I got lazy. I spun Asher Baron on October 3rd, and I wanted to make a video out of it. I figured, alright this will take a couple weeks, I'll just take 1 week off the Blog Wheel while I work on this video, and then resume it after. Whole thing ended up taking 2 months. I kept thinking, "I'm sure we'll be done with the video soon, I can wait one more week." I had no clue how much time our editors (who fucking crushed it) would put into making that video awesome. I could have resumed doing Regular Blog Wheel at any time during the making of Video Blog Wheel, but I didn't. Credit to me for admitting that and not making excuses.

I thought Video Blog Wheel was awesome. The editing was incredible and I think the content was actually pretty funny. Unfortunately, we had to take it down. I won't dwell on why. If only I would have thoroughly vetted the life of the complete stranger I met on the internet before I interviewed him. I'm so stupid. Luckily, I still have the video in my possession. Considering the entire thing was basically an inside joke between about 10 Barstool Sports employees, and maybe 50 people online, I think it served its purpose.

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Since my Video Blog Wheel featuring a random stranger from the internet was abruptly cancelled, I thought it would be a good idea to do the same thing again today.

What's up Potato Gobbler. Congratulations on the spin. It was well deserved 

Potato Gobbler might be best known for winning the 2021 Cheapie of The Year.

For those who don't know what a Cheapie is, it doesn't matter. Nobody actually knows. Just know that it's a good thing. Like.. a REALLY good thing.

Along with being Cheapie of the Year, Potato Gobbler has long been a John Rich fan. He was the first person to send a handwritten letter + a signed $100 bill to my home following my Barstool Idol victory 4th place finish. On top of that, he has depleted our stock of John Rich merchandise in the Barstool Store, including the 1984 & Matty Ice shirts.

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The 1984 & Matty Ice shirts have been restocked, and are available now for full price at the Barstool Store.

But PotatoGobbler is more than just a John Rich fan (viva). PotatoGobbler is the father of a son or daughter. His child, _ Gobbler is a certain number of years old. Unless Potato Gobbler is a bad person, or his son/daughter has crossed him, then Potato Gobbler loves his small (or large) child very much. 

5 names that @PotatoGobbler might have named his son or daughter 

1. Alex
2. Jessie
3. Kerry
4. Hollis
5. Kingsley 

Potato Gobbler, along with his child (probably) lives in the uniquely shaped state of Oklahoma (or at least he's from there). Oklahoma is one of 9 U.S. States that features a panhandle. When you think of states with panhandles, you think of Florida, but Oklahoma is a close second. Some people might make the argument that Oklahoma's panhandle is more famous, but that would be incorrect. Florida is a very popular vacation spot, and a much more heavily populated state, so their panhandle is definitely more famous. 

Ranking states in order of their panhandles

1. Florida (most popular)
2. Oklahoma (2nd most popular)
3. Texas (Oklahoma's pandhandle rival)
4. Idaho (I forgot about Idaho there's is pretty good)
5. Maryland (has more panhandle than state)
6. Alaska (very long, but couldn't support the weight of Alaska)
7. West Virginia (if you have 2 panhandles you don't have one)  
8. Nebraska (so were just calling anything a panhandle I guess)
9. Connecticut (is this a panhandle for ants?)

Oklahoma is more than just a state with a panhandle. They are also a state with the Oklahoma Sooners. Potato Gobbler is maybe even a bigger fan of the Sooners than he is of John Rich. The Oklahoma Sooners are one of the 20 most storied college football programs in the country. Every now and then, the big wagon that they run onto after every first down falls over. It's usually a little scary, but as long as the horses aren't injured it's ok to make fun of. 

Giphy Images.
Giphy Images.

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The Oklahoma Sooners boast one of the top 100 college basketball programs in the country as well. You often forget about the Oklahoma Sooners during college basketball season. But then come January you'll be watching SportsCenter, and be like "Oh wow, the Sooners are on a bit of a run. They might be dangerous come tournament time". But usually they don't make it to the second weekend.

Trey Young, Blake Griffin, Buddy Hield, Taylor Griffin, etc. 

Dave Eggen. Getty Images.

Potato Gobbler is a Dallas Cowboys fan as well. As a Colts fan myself, I have a deep respect for Cowboys fans, as they are another one of the NFL's horse related teams. Our teams will be playing each other this Sunday night in a game that the world is excited to watch, and not at all annoyed that it was given the Sunday Night Football time slot. Neigh. 

A not so fun thing about Potato Gobbler is that he is currently blocked by TCU Football's Twitter account. 

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If @TCUFootball blocked Potato Gobbler for such a nothing tweet, then they must have half of Twitter blocked. As a man who humbly used to live 5 minutes away from TCU's campus, I am outraged. What are we doing here @TCUFootball? A reply from a man of Potato Gobbler's status is nothing but good for your purple Twitter account. Now that I have learned about this, I will be joining the movement to have Potato Gobbler unblocked by @TCUFootball. I mean no disrespect to @TCUFootball, but they have left me no choice. In protest, I will NOT be wearing this TCU Horns Down shirt I found in the office the other day. It has been at my desk for about a week, and I was planning to wear it casually. The shirt will remain on my desk and OFF my body until Potato Gobbler is unblocked. 

I have learned that Potato Gobbler is a VIP of Diet Coke (or a Diet Coke VIP) as well. I have no idea what that means. It appears as if Diet Coke was doing some sort of VIP bit on the internet and Potato Gobbler tweeted at them long enough until they declared him a VIP. I'm assuming he gets free Diet Cokes from time to time. If so that is very exciting. Thank you Diet Coke. 

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You might have noticed that Potato Gobbler is verified on Twitter. This is important to note, as there are multiple other Potato Gobblers online. However @PotatoGobbler is the only online Potato Gobbler who is actually Potato Gobbler in real life. The verified check mark will help you distinguish the real Potato Gobbler from the imposters

From what I've gathered, Potato Gobbler's football career was railroaded by a politically corrupt Public High
School football coach who cared more about lining his pockets than watching his team succeed on the field. I'm assuming the Public High School Coach was in cahoots with the Catholic High School on the other side of town. The two coaches probably had a deal in place where the coach of the Public High School would funnel the town's top talent to the Catholic High School. In return, the Head Coach of the Public High School would be compensated monetarily, and receive sexual favors.

Being a man of the people, when the coach tried to convert Potato Gobbler to Catholicism, Potato Gobbler refused. He wanted to bring a State Championship to the plucky underdog Public High School. The Public High School coach was furious. He knew if Potato Gobbler saw the field, then the Catholic High School wouldn't stand a chance in the big game. The evil coach needed the money to pay for his lake house in Traverse City. He made sure that Potato Gobbler never saw the field. Sadly, because of his evil coach, Potato Gobbler never realized his full potential on the gridiron.

I'm just assuming that's what happened based on these tweets.

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I could talk about Potato Gobbler for hours. Who couldn't? There is an endless supply of Potato Gobbler content on the internet. Many thanks to the Blog Wheel for blessing me with the opportunity to write about such a remarkable internet personality. And many thanks to the Potato Gobbler for providing himself as a beautiful canvass to work off of (???). Hopefully some day our paths will cross, and we'll be able to split a large fries.