Advanced Analytics: Jack Edwards Essentially Calls Pat Maroon A Fat Piece Of Shit On The Bruins Broadcast. His Words, Not Mine
Mark LoMoglio. Getty Images.The landscape of how we consume hockey is constantly changing. With the ever-growing emphasis on analytics in the game, it has spilled over to the broadcast side of things. Long gone are the days of broadcasters just being able to say something like "holy mackerel!" to sufficiently vocalize what is happening during a game. Broadcasters are now tasked with explaining systematic approaches to the game, being a glossary of every advanced stat that is tracked, and making sure to not hurt anybody's feelings along the way.
Which is what I'm pretty sure Jack Edwards was going for here last night in his detailed description of the Bruins holding on to a 1-0 lead over the 3x reigning Eastern Conference Champion Tampa Bay Lightning.
238 lbs. That has to be a stat, right? It has numbers attached to it, so the analytics folks have to be happy with that mention. Then he goes on to breakdown the Big Rig's "Pizzas per 60" numbers (Pza/60). According to Jack's stat tracking, it would seem like Maroon leads the league.
I have to admit, it sounds like Pat Maroon has the greatest NHL career of all time. The big fella got his name on the Cup 3 years in a row, crushes a few slices of pizza, gets back on the ice, rinse & repeat. Would you rather be a guy who doesn't take any time to enjoy himself throughout his career and put up something like 409 career goals and maybe win one Stanley Cup, or would you rather get to live like a total beauty like Pat Maroon and be a 3x Stanley Cup champ? I'm going with the Big Rig.
P.S. -- I don't necessarily thing there is anything wrong with what Jack Edwards said there. Just as long as nobody thinks that there's necessarily anything wrong with Pat Maroon beating the brakes off of that nerd the next time he sees him in person. I think that's how we get society back to where it needs to be. You shouldn't get cancelled if you hurt somebody's feelings. You should just get pummeled instead.