The Absolute Saddest Stats For Week 12 Of the NFL

Bob Levey. Getty Images.

Welcome to the weekly sad NFL stats blog: Week 12. In this edition we'll discuss how bad the Rams Super Bowl hanger has been, rank quarterbacks named Bryce, and I'll even call out Troy Aikman for calling the kettle black on his ruthless assault of Matt Ryan. It was a good week once again and we finally get to stop by our Super Bowl winning Los Angeles Rams for some sadness to hit things off. 

Sad Stat #1: The Los Angeles Rams are on track for the worst record of a Super Bowl winning team the following year

There the 2022 Los Angeles Rams are at the very bottom of this list of every Super Bowl winning team, making them the statistically saddest championship team in the Super Bowl era. And if you're wondering how bad their Super Bowl hangover headache feels, just ask Sean McVay.

It's hard to watch a team that made a deal with the devil for a moment of fame suffer this Super Bowl fog. And it's not getting any better as they'll be a league leading $12 million over their effective salary cap space in just two years according to overthecap.com. But at some point the manipulation of the salary cap to fuzzy the figures catches up. This team over leveraged themselves so hard in order to win they truly put the SBF in Super Bowl fog. And as such, at the end of the day it was all a façade. Matt Stafford went from throwing no lock Mahomes dimes last year to looking like… well, Matt Stafford this year. And since his injury sidelined him, things have gotten all the worse which leads us to…

Sad Stat #2: In the last two weeks, Bryce Perkins has the two worst quarterback performances ever of anyone named Bryce

After appreciating this full account of anyone in NFL history throwing a football named Bryce (min 10 passes), I think a really fun future bet I'd love to take is an "anytime QB named Bryce throw two or more touchdown passes". And when I say anytime - I mean, ANYTIME. Hold my money until it pays out when I'm 85, that's fine! I just want in! 

This is sad in the fact that Bryce Perkins has been given a golden opportunity to becoming the best Bryce quarterback if he could just do better than Bryce Petty - easily the most forgotten about player in NFL history. The good news is it looks like he'll get a chance at redemption with Matt Stafford missing more time and possibly even getting shut down for the year. See Rams fans, there was some good news too!

Sad Stat #3: Matt Ryan completed his first pass with 7:05 left in the 2nd quarter beating out teammate Sam Ehlinger for latest first completed pass of the year

2022 (Weeks 1 - 12)

The graph above shows the 30 starting quarterbacks of 2022 with the latest first completed pass of a game. And as you can see Matt Ryan topped teammate Sam Ehlinger on Monday night for the latest of the season by abstaining an extra :36 of game time before committing to a completion. If you watched the game, you know Troy Aikman was all over Matt Ryan and the Colts anemic offense and bashed them repeatedly left and right on the broadcast. But Troy better hope no data sleuth calls him out for taking more time (let's say 3:18 left in the 2nd quarter) to complete his first pass of a game while also playing under AARP qualifying membership. 

Matt Ryan and All Starting QBs Since 1999 With A Later First Completion In A Game

Yep, there Troy is seven spots down playing well past his prime. But we've buried the lede. What is going on with chart leader Jeff Garcia? If you all know one thing about me it's that I would never use data to mislead and this was a special case. I only cherry-pick the truth. I checked the PFR page of this game to see what the hell happened and it appears Garcia started the game, got injured before his first completion and came back late causing the comical result above. So be nice to Jeff, and any Jeff for that matter. That leaves Cody Pickett as the only trailblazer to venture into the 3rd quarter as a starting quarterback with zero completions. I don't think I need to make a quarterbacks named "Pickett" to show you where he ranks.

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Sad Stat #4: Percy Harvin once returned a kickoff 104 yards without scoring a touchdown on a drive that ended in zero points

This one might seem out of left field but it was spurred on by Badfishee on Twitter asking me what the record was when the Colts returned a kick 89 yards without scoring on the kickoff.

Lucky for the Colts, they were able to punch it in but this historical sad gem couldn't go without being brought to light. Could this be what led Percy to losing his mind? Who's to know, but when I realized the Vikings quarterback at the time was Christian Ponder, the idea of squandering a 104-yard kickoff for zero points instantly made sense. Also the Percy losing his mind thing. 

Sad Stat #5 The Ravens are on track for the best NFL record and a first round playoff bye

- if games ended after the third quarter

The Ravens are kings of quarters 1-3 and if there were no 4th quarter in the NFL they would be 9-0-2 this year. Here's how all teams would place on the standings in this alternative universe that is admittedly completely meaningless but fun nonetheless. 

For the most part this tracks with the actual standings with the exception of the New York Giants who are the antithesis of the Baltimore Ravens and suck for the first three quarters before turning on the Daboll Nos. 

That's a wrap for Week 12. Looking ahead to Week 13, I'm excited for some sad stat juggernauts to take the stage in prime time (Colts, Saints, Bucs). Who cares about the Chiefs / Bengals, Commanders / Giants, or Eagles / Titans? If you see something that peaks your interest in the sad arena, give me a shout on Twitter and I'll dig up the goods. Or I guess the sads.

Until then I'll be checking the Barstool Sports Book for player props to drop for Rams / Seahawks. A Bryce of any kind is absolutely due to throw at least two touchdown passes! 

- Jeffro