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A Poop Expert Known As The Butt Doctor Explains Why We Shouldn't Use Toilet Paper

Kev Bation. Unsplash Images.

(Source)-  It was the most-coveted commodity in Australia over the course of the pandemic – but an expert known as the ‘Butt Doctor’ has revealed why he’s not a fan of toilet paper, saying that wiping “too vigorously” after doing a poo can lead to a lot of issues. Queensland-based colorectal surgeon Dr Bradley Morris – better known to his 13.2k Instagram followers by the aforementioned moniker – talked all things number two’s in an interview with’s podcast, I’ve Got News For You. 

“Most of the problems I see with the skin around the anus are due to excess attempts at hygiene, and it’s very rarely due to insensitive hygiene. It’s a very sensitive area,” Dr Morris told host Andrew Bucklow, answering one listener’s question about whether it’s “dangerous” to wipe too hard. “I don’t understand why we use toilet paper to wipe. If you imagine soiling your face or something else where you wouldn’t smear it off with toilet paper.

I think that one of the most annoying things we have to do as human is wipe. It is a process every single time and you are wiping for days to make sure you are clean down there. I don't care how much money you pay me, I don't want to ever have to see anyone's skin around the anus. The fact that has to be a sentence out of his mouth ever is brutal for him. If it is dangerous to wipe too hard, we need to revaluate the wiping situation. People are big baby wipe people now but I think that you just have a wet ass after that. 

The Butt Doctor continues…

“We do aim for the ghost poo, where you wipe and there’s nothing there. And that indicates that there’s a well-formed stool that’s passed intact and in its entirety. And then a couple of wipes after that is probably okay.” 

For as much as I hate wiping, there is no better feeling when you go to the bathroom and you go to wipe and there is nothing there. It feels like you won a contest or something and this is why I have an invention that can change the game. We have no idea how to go to the bathroom we just know to get it in the bowl. I think my invention will have a game every time you go to the bathroom. The game will involve colors and peeing on the correct colors and poop times. You should't be on the bowl over 10 minutes. But if you are, you get zapped. Something tells me The Butt Doctor would agree.

“We should go and get it done and get off [the toilet] … We’re really at about two to three minutes without straining, without being in a hurry to do it, but allowing it to happen efficiently and as briskly as possible.” Sitting for too long means “you’re predisposing yourself to problems with the anal canal like tears, and there are long-term issues with some muscles and being able to poo efficiently forevermore”.

These doctors say that we are going to the bathroom wrong all the time though. You supposed to basically have your knees up to your chest when you go which I think was just so people bought the squatty potty. They change how we are supposed to go all the time and it really just seems simple: Sit and push. That's it. I would like to change whatever I need to change so I don't have to wipe this much.