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Elizabeth Holmes, Who Was Once Called “The Next Steve Jobs”, Just Got Sentenced To 11 Year In Prison For Her Role In The Theranos Scam

WSJ- Eliz­a­beth Holmes, the founder of Ther­a­nos Inc. con­victed of fraud, was sen­tenced to 135 months, or 11.25 years, in prison, cap­ping the ex­traordinary down­fall of a one­time Sil­i­con Val­ley wun­derkind.

U.S. Dis­trict Judge Ed­ward Davila, who over­saw the trial in which Ms. Holmes was con­victed of run­ning a years­long fraud scheme at her blood-test­ing com­pany, de­liv­ered the sen­tence Fri­day in fed­eral court. A jury con­victed Ms. Holmes in Jan­uary on four charges that she mis­rep­re-sented the start­up’s tech­nol­ogy, fi­nances and busi­ness prospects to in­vestors.

Man, life comes at you FAST. 

Elizabeth Holmes, (No relation to John Holmes), found that out the hard way this afternoon.

One minute, you’re telling the world in your exaggerated, fake raspy voice that you figured out how to do something the worldwide medical community has been stumped on for decades, being heralded as “the next Steve Jobs”, and banging your weird business partner.

The next, you’re staring at more than ten years hard time in the slammer. 

Nate, Kmarko, and Chief have covered this entire saga since it began playing out-

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If you didn’t get the chance to watch the documentary on it on HBO Max, it’s a great watch. If you’re anything like me you’ll be screaming at your tv half the time. 

Say what you will about this lady, but whatever “it” is, she has it. In spades. Her ability to con some of the smartest and most successful people in some of the most prestigious industries in the world was proven. It was surpassed only by her ability to get them to open up their checkbooks and stroke her company massive checks.

I’m still in awe of her. As we all should be.

Her most impressive feat perhaps, throughout this entire ordeal came these past couple weeks leading up to her sentencing

Even after duping them all out of tens of millions, some out of hundreds of millions, (the Devos family lost an estimated $100 million in their investment while Murdoch lost $125 million and the Walton family lost $150 million), and leaving everybody with egg on their face, looking like total jabronis, she was still able to get a lot of them to write letters of recommendation for her, gushing about her “character and integrity”.

Giphy Images.

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We’re not talking 3 letters from your favorite teacher, your guidance counselor, and a family friend with a famous last name you submit with your college application here.

We’re talking over 140 letters to the judge from family, friends, a U.S. senator, a police sergeant, a fire captain, a restaurateur, technology company executives, a retired Navy admiral, investors, government officials and former Theranos employees and board directors.

Sen. Cory Booker of New Jersey recalled bonding with Ms. Holmes over their vegan diet, and said he considers her a friend who “would indeed dedicate herself to making positive contributions in the world.”

Former Theranos board member and biotechnology executive Fabrizio Bonanni suggested in his letter to the court that Judge Davila sentence Ms. Holmes to discuss her lessons learned in a case study that could be shared through podcasts, classroom instruction and other means. He maintained that Theranos “just ran out of time in its final steps of development.”

“Just ran out of time” is a textbook excuse. 

Ah well. Hopefully this story doesn’t end here for Elizabeth Holmes. Hopefully she spends the next 5-7 years becoming even more cunning, charming, and devious in prison, gets out early on good behavior, gets out and launches Theranos 2.0 in cooperation with Fyre Fest and FTX. Sponsored by Enron.

Speaking of FTX, Elizabeth Holmes lost her investors close to 700 million. This Sam Bankman Fried kid lost his somewhere around 16 billion. If this sentence is any example, that kid should be going away for the rest of his life. (Where he’ll promptly be Epstein’d no doubt. If he even makes it to trial that is.) And now that she’s going away for a long time, and we’re putting people away for ruining people financially, can the feds finally set their sites on all the bankers who the government bailed out after destroying our economy in 2008 or are those guys still bueno? 

(Sidebar- can any of our lawyer Stoolies weigh in on this? It feels from like the small amount of time I spent in courtrooms clerking, and from nearly every story I’ve read regarding sentencing, no matter what kind of trial it is, that suggesting sentencing is a death wish from the defense every single time. I’ve never seen it not backfire. Or maybe I’m wrong? Maybe in this case, and every other case I’m basing this assumption on, Holmes, and defendants would actually be looking at even more time if their attorneys didn’t suggest how much time they should get or money they should pay?)

P.s.- Cramer also called Sam Bankman-Fried “this generations “J.P. Morgan””

Large, Vibbs, and I discussed this sociopath on yesterday's run-down. Sam Bankman-Fried. Not Cramer. It’s crazy how funny Large is. Check it out here