You can be forgiven if you think that going through life as a former Miss Universe while still retaining your exquisite features and toned, perfectly-proportioned figure and dating wealthy, famous guys is a pretty sweet gig. That you'd be riding a gravy train with biscuit wheels. After all, the universe is 93 billion light years across, and you were chosen as its best looking resident. Even allowing for the fact you had home planet advantage, that's still quite a claim to have on your resume. A title no Miss Pandora, Alpha Centaurian beauty queen, or pageant chick from Ceti Alpha 5 can ever take away from you.
But you'd be mistaken. Because Olivia Culpo has lived that life. She alone knows what it's like to walk in her Jimmy Choo Black Suede Sandals with Crystal Embellishment. And to her tell it, before Christian McCaffrey burst through her line carrying the rock:
... it was, in her words, hell:
E! News - Before Olivia Culpo found herself in a committed relationship with NFL player Christian McCaffrey, the model experienced more than one heartbreak.
During the Nov. 14 episode of The Culpo Sisters, Olivia looked back on her dating history when discussing the relationship struggles between her sister Aurora Culpo and husband Mikey Bortone.
"I feel bad for Aurora because I think she doesn't believe that she could just be with somebody who just wants to be with her," Olivia said in her confessional. …
Olivia continued, "I've been cheated on and lied to quite a bit in my past. Once the trust is broken, it's over. It's so hard to mend that relationship. I was put through hell and those were traumatizing experiences."
Let's review that for a second. Because it bears repeating. Again and again. Olivia Culpo was cheated on. To the point her life was a living hell. What chance does any of us in that wide range of hideous-to-above average looks have if she can't get a boyfriend to be monogamous? Surely any of us who even attempt to find a mate are doomed to something out of the inner circles of Dante's The Inferno if this is her reality.
And while I don't know what conclusion to draw from this, but it's worth noting anyway. McCaffrey got big timed by the Warriors dancers. That could have been you or me sitting alongside Jimmy Garoppolo for all the attention they gave him. He might as well have been wearing an Invisibility Cloak:
But at least he's loyal to her. Unlike that unnamed demon who cast her into the blazes of infidelity.
What we do know is that her past relationships have involved Danny Amendola:
And Tim Tebow:
And yet one or two of them still managed to make her life hell with their tomcattin' around. (I'm ruling out Tebow as a suspect, since lies make the Baby Jesus cry.) It just goes to show, you can never tell what someone's life is like from the outside looking in. We can feel bad for her, and happy about the fact McCaffery is now making her happy. But there's some comfort in knowing that, if you weren't feeling like you were walking through the eternal hell fire, you were happier than the most beautiful woman in the known universe. Here's hoping it works out for them. You'd hate to see her have to grow old alone in this sad, sad world.