Life Always Has A Beautiful Way Of Kicking You Square In The Dick To Bring You Back To Size
Mitchell Leff. Getty Images.Let me be the first to admit that mayyyybe Philly sports fans got just a little too big for our britches. We may have gotten a little ahead of ourselves there when we were already planning the Phillies World Series parade. We may have gotten a little ahead of ourselves when we thought how great it would be to include the Union in that parade. We may have gotten a little ahead of ourselves when we thought about which parade would be better, the one in November for the Phils or the one in February for the Eagles. Philly fans were riding the highest of highs. We got criminally cocky. And then…
Well then the Phillies got no-hit in the World Series and proceeded to lose 3 straight games after taking a 2-1 series lead. World Series dreams dead. Then the Union blew a 1-goal lead in stoppage time of overtime in the MLS Cup Final and lost in PKs. I wouldn't necessarily say the entire city had dreams of winning an MLS Cup championship, but dream dead nevertheless. And then the Washington Commanders walked into South Philly last night for Monday Night Football and the Eagles pissed a stream down their own leg longer than the Schuykill River.
Sure, at the end of the day I think we were all hoping that the Eagles wouldn't head into the playoffs still undefeated. I think most of us were quietly rooting for a loss somewhere along the way. But not like that. Not like last night. A primetime game against a division opponent in which the Eagles were 11-point favorites and had 10 days of rest to prepare for heading into the game. A game in which the Eagles made idiotic and costly mistake after idiotic and costly mistake to throw the game away themselves. It was brutally infuriating to watch as Jonathan Gannon continued to stand on the sideline with a face that screams "I have no fucking idea what I'm doing here" as Terry McLaurin carved up the defense drive after drive. 3rd down conversions galore. The fumbles. The penalties. The fact that we all thought the game was already in the bag when it took the Eagles 4 plays after a strip sack on the first drive to get into the end zone. It was a barrage of dick kicks all night long.
But that's just life, baby. It's as perfectly balanced as it has always been. The higher you climb, the further you fall. It's oddly comforting knowing that whenever you feel like you're on top of the world, impending doom is always right around the corner. Because by the same logic, you can justify having hope whenever things go poorly. That's why being a sports fan is the greatest thing in the world. There's always hope that this is the time that things are different. But more often than not, it ends with a flurry of ferocious kicks to the dick and scrotum. And Philly fans are currently icing our balls.