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'Furious Denial' Claims Gisele is Not - Repeat NOT - Dating Her Hunky Jiu-Jitsu Trainer

When the world's most desirable MILFtastic fashion mogul suddenly becomes eligible again for the first time in almost 15 years, you can expect breaking news on a regular basis as the situation remains fluid:

And so it would appear with ... Wait. Hold on. I'm ... I'm now being told that Gisele's dinner out with her jiu-jitsu instructor seems to have been strictly platonic. We're trying to confirm these reports. But according to sources we're hearing from, this 'date" would appear to have taken place in FriendZone, Population: Them:

Source - Newly-single Brazilian supermodel Gisele Bundchen has been pictured stepping out with a handsome jiu-jitsu instructor - in photos which sparked a flurry of rumors that the mother-of-two has already moved on from her ex-husband Tom Brady. …

The images prompted speculation that the supermodel had already found a new love in her life - rumors that insiders were quick to slam as nothing more than gossip, telling DailyMail.com exclusively that Bundchen and [Joaquim] Valente are nothing more than friends. …

Saturday's outing included six adults and eight children, including Benjamin and Vivian. 

In addition to Valente and Bundchen, the children's tutor, Jordan, was also present. …

[S]ources close to the recently-divorced model flatly denied the pair were dating.

'He's been her kids jiu-jitsu teacher for years,' the insider told DailyMail.com. 'There's no truth to the rumors that they're dating.'

Well this is just a stunning development, and one that is no doubt sending shockwaves around the world. And before anyone questions the validity of the report and thinks it might just be someone trying to protect Gisele's privacy, bear in mind that these Brady-Bundchen "insiders" have yet to protect her privacy in any way, shape or form through all of this. And have been proven right every, single time they've betrayed her confidence by blabbing to the gossip rags. So there's no reason to doubt this one. Despite the undeniable sexual tension between Gisele and Valente on display here:

I have to admit, this is somewhat disappointing. First, because when you've been as intimate as these two have already been, what's a little intercourse? In football terms, he's already driven the length of the field and it's no big deal if he punches it in on 1st & goal from the 1. Second - and I feel secure enough in my masculinity to say this - Joaquim Valente is a freaking dreamboat. As they described Jake Ryan in Sixteen Candles, he's an oily bohunk. He looks like the guy who'd play opposite Sofia Vergara in a Hallmark movie where she's running her own business and doesn't have time for love and just wants a quiet Christmas alone, but even though he's the total opposite of her, their differences make them perfect for each other and then it starts to snow. Or something. 

I'll put it this way. And this is the highest compliment I can pay another man for his looks. Valente is handsome enough to be part of Tom Brady's crew at Churchill Downs. That is saying something.

But that is neither here nor there. Because we can take it to the bank that they're not seeing each other. They're not having intimate 14-person dates. Their relationship remains strictly sensei-student. Glad we got that cleared up. As once again I find myself spending more time focused on Gisele's love life than I've thought about my own after 29 years of marriage. 

Which begs the question: Who will be Gisele's first date out of the gate? Who is going to be the man with the courage and self-confidence to replace the irreplaceable man? Who is worthy enough to wield that sexual Mjolnir? Pete Davidson? DiCaprio again? Some other actor? A tech billionaire? Someone with a Super Bowl ring of his own? A charming, sports blogging, silver fox with two published books, perhaps? 

The world waits with breathless anticipation to find out who and when. All we know now is Gisele is NOT dating yet. And Brady went back to his first love: Football. She can only hope to be as happy as he seems right now.