Nudists vs Prudes: Get Naked Australia Reignites The Rivalry

NY Post- A nude cruise has taken to the waters of Sydney Harbour, Australia to encourage body positivity and help change how society views the naked body – but not everyone is on board with the concept. The cruise by Get Naked Australia, an organization that promotes the practice of being naked in nature, attracted much attention over the weekend.

Supporters have labeled it an act of freedom and good fun, but others accused those involved of being “crazy” with “no shame”.

“No thought for those on the other boats, children, or anyone else for that matter,” one person complained on social media. “Can’t believe the government has approved such a disrespectful thing,” added another. “Disgusting, if you call that empowering and freedom,” wrote a third.

Nudists vs Prudes is a historic rivalry that I had never considered until I read this article. But now that I've thought about it for 5 minutes, I will tell you how the rivalry came to be. At the beginning of human civilization, nudists were a dynasty. Everybody on earth was naked. Nudists had no competition, as prudes simply did not exist (except for the snake that tried to cock block Adam from Eve). The nudists had a glorious run, reigning supreme for upwards of 260,000 years. It wasn't until the Stone Age that they faced their first adversity, when self-conscious cavemen began wearing loin cloths to cover their private areas.

Shutterstock Images.

From there on out, the prudes gained momentum. They went on a historic run, and managed to flipped the script on the once dominant nudists. Nowadays, the AARN (American Association for Nude Recreation) has a registered 210,000 members, which accounts for merely 0.00064% of the American population. Nudists numbers are slightly stronger in European and African nations, but nonetheless, it appears the nudists will never return to the powerhouse that they once were. 

Despite an overwhelming stronghold on the nudists vs prudes rivalry, the prudes are not satisfied. They will not rest until 100% of the human population is clothed head to toe, thus putting a stamp on their 300,000 year comeback.

However, there are still nudists out there who are fighting the good fight, like the fine people of Get Naked Australia. The brave nudists of Get Naked Australia refuse to bow down. The nudist colony sails the waters of Sydney Harbour to let the world know they are still here, despite heavy opposition from the prudes, who say things like:

"No thought for those on the other boats, children, or anyone else for that matter." - Prude

"Can't believe the government has approved such a disrespectful thing." - Prude

"Disgusting" - Prude

The prudes are disgusted with the nudists behavior. They claim they want to protect their children, and that they don't want to be exposed to naked bodies in a public setting. The nudists say that nudism is about body positivity, and other general hippy nonsense.

I don't buy any of it. The way I see it, the nudists vs prude rivalry comes down to one thing, and one thing only.

Horniness.

Horniness has always been a hot button issue. Statistics show that horniness is the cause of 9 out of 10 things. 

The ironic thing about this situation, is that both the nudists and the prudes, claim to be on the same end of the horny spectrum (the not horny side). The prudes are disgusted by horniness, and feel that it has no place in society, unless it's occurring in a dark bedroom between a married couple with their shirts on (Winnie the Pooh). 

The nudists also claim to be sans-horny. They insist that galavanting naked around a boat with their hot friends actually has nothing to do with horniness. It's about self-expression, and being comfortable with their bodies. But the prudes don't buy it. To the prudes, the nudists are the horniest group of people on the planet, and they must be stopped. 

Here's what I think. I think that the real horny people are the prudes. Everybody is horny. If I were a gambling man, which I am, I would bet that this vocal group of prudes were raised to reject their horniness. I have a hunch that these prudes have a close relationship with a god who has told them that horniness is wrong. They've spent their entire lives suppressing it. But that doesn't mean it just goes away. 

Suppressing horniness is an extremely difficult thing to do. The prudes spend their whole lives frustrated that they are "not allowed" to release the horniness inside of them. They get angry at those who are able to do so freely, and with zero fear of judgement. The prudes are able to suppress their horniness, to a degree, by convincing themselves that it is the morally superior thing to do. The scary thing is, it can only be suppressed for so long. Consider Catholic Priests. Catholic Priests are supposed to be above having sex, and attempt to go their whole lives without it. I'm not going to spell out for you how that story ends, but I think you know where I'm going with this.

My point is, all of this bottled up horniness has made the prudes bitter, and jealous of the nudists. On the surface, nudists appear to be flaunting their sexuality. However, nudists claim to not be horny at all. I can't tell you whether or not that is true, as the photos in the article are blurred out. In order for me to truly know if these nudists are or are not gross horny freaks, would have to take the cruise myself, and do a boner check. 

There's a fine line between a fun nudist excursion, and a full blown orgy. I can only imagine the amount of pent up sexual energy inside of a nudist group. I would imagine, that any given one of these nudist cruises are a single boner away from the tipping point. If one girl on that boat grabs a dick, then all bets are off. All of the sudden, this large group of friends who have been spending all of their time together naked, and NOT fucking, finally have the green light. That would be an orgy the likes of which we've never seen. 

I'm not sure what to believe. I'm not even sure what my original point was. I lost it about 4-5 paragraphs ago. In conclusion, I think both of these groups are exceptionally horny, and are just dealing with it in vastly different ways. For some reason, they have both put themselves in a situations where it is extremely difficult to keep their horniness within. The prudes do it by essentially denouncing sex all together, bottling their horniness up inside of them until the slightest breeze causes them to bust. On the other hand, the nudists engage in this weird expert level, "don't get horny" challenge. Where they surround themselves with naked people, and pat each other on the back for not getting boners. 

I will say, the prudes need to chill out. Who cares if nudists want to be naked on a boat. They're not hurting anyone. Who cares if your kids see some naked body while they're out on the water. It'll be a funny story for them to tell their friends at school. They're probably already watching porn on the iPad you leave them alone with for 5 hours a day anyways.

And to the nudists - you're just weird.

The rest of us will just be normal. We'll wear clothes in public, and have sex when we feel like it.