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Do NOT Lick These Colorado River Toads Or You Will Get INSANELY High

I just arrived in NYC after traveling to Arizona with Francis where we were filming content with a bunch of douche bag rich people. 

At first, I was trying to fit with the crowd in by doing a bunch of rich, uppity asshole stuff. Shit like chew with my mouth closed, limit my use of the term "cocksucker", and not get belligerently hammered off the high end champaign they kept offering me. Ya know, "fake it till ya make it" type stuff.

It was exhausting. While I'm sure it has its perks, being rich for a weekend STUNK, at least for the most part. 

After being there a while and realizing authenticity wins 10x out of 10, I went back to being "me".  By the end of the trip, I was fitting in with the rich people better than Francis was and it left him both perplexed and frustrated. Instead of sippin' on expensive bourbons and consuming caviar and whatnot, we were ripping shots of Jameson and eating fried food. Pretty sure half the people I met no longer consume high end cigars, but are now Grizzly Wintergreen aficionados instead. 

I'd wager that most those people now want to live like I live. Fat, drunk and stupid is the only way to live life, son.

I was the life of the party which should come as a shock to nobody. As I said, a shot of Jameson is always a great conversation starter. With that said, after reading into what happens when a person licks a Colorado River Toad - a toad found in the Sonoran desert of AZ - I wish I could go back, wrangle up a few of these bad boys and bring them to the fancy dinners we attended. These things are awesome:

And even though the National Parks Service just told us to NOT lick these toads... I think I kinda wanna lick these toads. I'm like Dewey Cox anytime he goes back stage to see what Sam's up to:

You don't want none of this shit Dewey… IT'S A NIGHTMARE!!!!

All that "public service announcement" from the National Parks Service did was make me want to lick those toads MORE. It's not even that I enjoy tripping on drugs or anything like that. I don't. But I do like to get the party started and make stories that will be told the rest of my lifetime. Imagine me tripping out on toad acid while in the presence of Fortune 500 CEOs and trust fund babies? That's content gold. 

It's a damn shame I'm just learning about these toads now. Maybe next time we venture out there. 

PS - I clean up well:

Francis and I only came close to getting in one (1) fist fight. Video to come soon.