I considered sharing this video with the masses. I thought it would be a fitting way to put this Colts season to bed. A symbolic video showing the life of a trusty steed coming to an abrupt end. A trusty steed who had been rode to 8-12 wins every season for my entire life (except for that one year when Curtis Painter was driving the horse) is no longer a trusty steed. He is, in fact, a dead horse. But then I remembered this note that I see every day when I open the back end of our blog.
So I thought better of it. I thought, "No, John. You don't have to post a dead horse. There is no reason the public needs to see a video of the animated horse from Red Dead Redemption 2 being shot by the protagonist's rival cowboy." Instead, I will use my professional writing skills to paint a picture for you. Think of the 2022 Indianapolis Colts season as a horse. Now picture that horse dead. There it is.
But there's no need to dwell on the how dead this horse is (it's really fucking dead). I'm not a negative sports fan who loves to wallow in my own misery, and wax poetically about how miserable my life is because my sports team is not performing up to my liking. There are still so many great things in the world. Especially for
Colts horse fans.
Sure, this specific horse that is the 2022 Indianapolis Colts is a dead horse. But there are plenty of other horses who are alive and well. What is good for one horse is good for the entire horse community. Think of it as the SEC Football Conference. Like when South Carolina fans take credit for Georgia winning the national title, because that somehow makes South Carolina a superior program to Purdue.
There are currently over 7 million horses living in the United States of America. The horse population is significantly greater than the population of Jets, Dolphins, Bengals, Jaguars, Titans, Chiefs, Eagles, Cowboys, Giants, Commanders, Vikings, Bears, Lions, Falcons, Buccaneers, Saints, Cardinals, Panthers, Seahawks, and 49ers.
The population of Rams is probably closer (I think that's just male sheep). There's over 29 million Texans, so they have us beat. I'm sure more than 7 million people consider themselves Patriots. There are only 188,000 people named Bill in the United States, but I don't know if that takes into account William's, currency, 'hat bills', etc. I'm not going to speculate on who qualifies as a Brown. Packers and Steelers are just made up names. There might be more Chargers, when you consider phones, laptops, cars, weed pens, etc.). We're tied with Broncos (if I count all Colts as horses, then I have to count all Broncos too). That's the whole NFL I think. So see, things could be a lot worse. The horse community is strong.
Let's see, what else is there that's good. There are 13 Triple Crown winning horses. But there's 27 Triple Crown Winning baseball players, and at first glance it looks like at least 20 of them are Americans (aka Patriots). That's tough considering it's the Patriots who just killed us. That's not a great look.
Unfortunately, it looks like the worldwide horse population has decreased the last 2 years, which is tough to swallow. Specifically, wild horses are down 4.4% from 2021. Wild horses are pretty sick though. That would be one of the coolest animals to be. A wild horse running freely across the prairie with all of your horse friends. Living off grass and plants. Knowing that you're probably way faster than those stupid tamed horses that run in the fancy races. I don't know if that's true or not, but I like to imagine that there's at least one wild horse out there that would have embarrassed Secretariat.
Bo Jack Horseman is a popular show about a horse. Not like crazy popular or anything, but it's been running for 6 seasons. Actually– damn, I just looked it up, and it appears Netflix has cancelled Bo Jack Horseman. 6 seasons is a pretty good run though. That's a respectable show.
Ok, moving off horses. The more I research horses, I'm starting to think that horses might be down bad.
Indianapolis is a good city. Easily the best city in Indiana. Have you ever been to Gary, Indiana? It's not great, but Michael Jackson was born there. Indianapolis is better than the city that Michael Jackson was born in. That's a point for Indianapolis.
Sorry, changing gears here. Look at this shit I just saw on my phone.
80.4% of people think the Raiders are going to beat the Colts? The Raiders are 2-6. Are the Colts the worst team in the NFL? I'm just now coming to that realization. They did just put up 3 points against an awful Patriots team. It says here that Sam Ehlinger completed 15 throws, for an average of 3.6 yards per throw. Holy shit, that's bad. They really might be the worst team in the NFL. How the fuck did we beat the Chiefs? Did that even happen, or did I just dream that?
After the Raiders, who we are apparently going to get waxed by, we have the Eagles. So that's 3-7-1. Then maybe we can pick up a win against the Steelers. The Steelers might actually be worse than us. But then it's the Cowboys, Vikings, Chargers, and Giants. 4-11-1. Our last game is against the Texans, so that MIGHT put us at 5-11-1. We should just be cheering for the Colts to tank at this point right? Who's the best quarterback in the upcoming draft? C.J Stroud? That doesn't really excite me.
Well, hopefully that makes you feel better about that Colts.