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Dumping Them Out: I Love The USA

Welcome back to Dumping Them Out, Barstool Sports 3rd longest running and most profitable boobs related endeavor (behind Smoke Shows & Only Stans). There's room for another funny joke in there, but I will refrain. 

I placed a $200 bet on the Phillies to win the World Series at the beginning of the playoffs. I would have paid $1600. There was a point I could have cashed it out for $922, but I was a dumbass and let it ride. Ended up cashing out before the game yesterday for $286. 

Last night I bet the whole $286 on Utah Money Line (-770). Easiest $37 I ever made. Don't let anyone tell you how to gamble your money. There's no wrong way to do it on the Barstool Sportsbook. Unless you have a problem, then call 1-800-GAMBLER.

There's a group of people who sell weed off a table set up between my home and the train I take to work every day. A couple weeks ago I walked past them, and they stopped me to give me a free sample. Because I'm the world's biggest yes man, and I just say what people want to hear, I was like, "Oh perfect, I've been looking for a weed dealer. I don't have any cash right now, but I'll definitely buy some next time I come by."

That's sort of true, but not really. I smoke weed when it's offered to me, but I don't want to buy any. But now there are these people sitting outside between the train and my home who I told that I will definitely buy weed from next time I see them. They're out there all day, every day. So now I just take the long way home every day to avoid them. It takes an extra 5 minutes every time I walk home from the train. 

I went 2 days without vaping, and went through 4 cans of Zyn's. But that has to be better than vaping right? Vaping seems like it could actually kill me, but Zyn's seem more harmless. Has there been any research done on the long term effects of having a minimum of 1 Zyn in your mouth for 2 days straight, including while you sleep? I guess they probably haven't been around long enough for us to know. It hast to be better than vaping tho. It has to be.

I've been living in Jersey City for a full 3 months now. Here are the highlights (other than the people selling weed off the table)

- It's basically the exact same thing as New York City. I'm yet to find a difference. Most New Yorkers will agree with this. 

- A random girl came and sat at our table at the bar the other night. We were asking her general questions about where to go in Jersey City. She kept telling me all the best places to go dancing, and I was like, "Why do you keep talking about dancing? You're stuck on dancing. I don't want to dance." Then she asked me how old I was, and I said "30". Then she said, "How old do you think I am?" and I said, "Probably my age". Turns out she was 23. She left upset. 

- I found an Italian Market that has the best sandwiches I've ever had. They also have a whole bunch of fancy delicious cheeses, stuffed vegetables, desserts, giant gummy bears, etc.

- My girlfriend has started doing this bit where she tries to get straight guys to make out, and it makes them really uncomfortable. I don't care for it when she does it to me, but it's pretty funny when I'm not the victim of it. 

- You should avoid the use of all personal care products on the breasts on the day of your mammogram. Do not apply any deodorant, antiperspirant, lotion, body powder or perfume to your breast area. Any of these personal care products can affect your test results, showing as white areas on the mammogram images (just seeing if anyone is actually reading this).

I'm trying to get this blog to at least 1000 words, and a minimum of 2 more boob gifs. Time to go to my trusty notes. Let see with what we're working with today.

Looks like my most recent note is about a dream I had where I found out Magic Johnson was my grandfather. Don't think there's much I can do with that one. 

Here's something I made and never used because I didn't have a place for it. I met with Brandon Walker the other day to discuss his hatred for the Tennessee Volunteers. Here is what he had to say

The problem with using graphics is they don't count towards the total word count on the blog. Nobody actually cares how long my blogs are, but I'm stuck on the idea that if I type at least 1000 words, then it means I put enough effort into it. Onto my next note.

This note says, "Tell someone to salt the grill before cooking steaks". That would be kind of funny if I could convince somebody to do that. I also thought it would be funny if I invited a friend over, and the first thing I asked him was, "Hey do you want to split a beer?" Then I grabbed some glasses and poured each of us half a Bud Light without any explanation.

I made this Roquan Smith traded to the Ravens "graphic" as well.

My friend came to town the other week. It was late, and we were on the way home. We were about to get to the train just in time. The train to New Jersey from the World Trade Center only runs like once every 30-45 minutes when it's late at night, so I was excited that we were actually going to hit it on time. But in order to get there, we had to walk past the 9/11 Memorial. My friend hadn't been to New York in years (or maybe ever), and he wanted to stop and see the memorial. That's a tough situation, because I really really really wanted to make the train. I was drunk, my ankle was basically broken at the time, and I really just wanted to be home. I wanted to be home so fucking bad. But I mean.. it's 9/11. I can't be like, "No dude, who cares!". So we stopped at the 9/11 Memorial and missed the train. I can't even complain about it either, because 9/11. Do not mistake this paragraph for me complaining. I am very glad my friend got to experience the 9/11 Memorial.