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If WWIII Should Break Out, Let it Be Because Some Heroic USAF Pilot Drew a Dick in the Sky Near a Russian Base

Source - The leadership for U.S. Air Forces in Europe has determined that a KC-135 aerial tanker did not mean to fly in a phallic flight pattern near a Russian base in Syria recently, said USAFE spokesman Capt. Ryan Goss. 

“The KC-135 Stratotanker (RAKE71) operating in the Eastern Mediterranean adjusted between multiple different flight tracks during the course of the mission,” Goss said in a recent statement. “While these adjustments and movements appear to create a vulgar outline, there was no intent by the pilots or the unit to do so. As we continue to look into this, USAFE-AFAFRICA, AMC [Air Mobility Command] and the USAF will continue to maintain the highest standards of professionalism and airmanship.” 

Earlier this week, the aircraft took off from Chania International Airport and flew east of Cyprus. FlightRadar24, a flight tracking service, shows that the KC-135’s flight path included an oval and two circles, prompting the Italian newspaper la Repubblica to speculate that the plane had drawn a sky penis in front of Russia’s naval base in Tartus, Syria. ...

Air Force Col. Damien Pickart, the top spokesman for Air Mobility Command, reiterated to Task & Purpose that the KC-135’s phallic-like flight pattern was unintentional.

There is not a man, woman or child among us who doesn't long for peace in Eastern Europe. Or who doesn't dread the thought of hostilities spilling over into other countries until they break out into armed conflict between nuclear superpowers. There are times when it seems the world is hanging on a knife's edge. As Bertrand Russell put it in a manifesto he wrote with Albert Einstein in 1995, “You may reasonably expect a man to walk a tightrope safely for ten minutes; it would be unreasonable to do so without accident for two hundred years.” In the truly bad news days, it feels like we're wobbling on that metaphorical tightrope. 

And so, while no one wants World War III, if it should happen, let it be for this. That a US Air Force Stratotanker pilot and crew drew a dick on Russian radar. 

Sure, the USAF is denying it. What else would you expect? That's what they do. Department of Defense spokesman have their jobs, flight crews have theirs. Col. Damien Pickart doesn't tell the men aboard the KC-135 how to refuel our fighter jets, they don't tell him how to lie about obvious dongs showing up on radar screens. That way everyone gets along. 

Just don't ask us to believe this wasn't a big old teabagging of the Russian Bear. I don't know a guy who at some point in his life dream of someday being a pilot for the Good Ol' US of A. And for sure I don't know one who didn't repeatedly and unapologetically scribble dicks all over his friends' book covers, notebooks, and homework whenever they had the chance. These guys have found a way to do both. And it's to their undying credit. 

To repeat, I'm anti-war, just like all of you. Hostilities need to cease, not escalate. But if history should remember that world war broke out because Putin didn't like the idea of a big flight pattern image cock and balls dangling in his cyber face, so be it. Our country was born thanks to a war that started over people not wanting to pay a tax on tea to repay the king for winning us an earlier war. So stupider things have happened. 

Now if anyone needs me this weekend, I'll be breaking ground on my doomsday bunker.