Blue Apron Is The Devil - Mailtime
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You see that? You wanna know what that is right there? Thats a pizza. That was as far as I got in my latest Blue Apron endeavor. Which, in case you didnt know, is the devil.
For those of you not in the Blue Apron loop, its this company that sends you a box of food ingredients to cook 3 meals. Its like 60 bucks for the box. Three meals that you dont get to choose. And its a goddam DISASTER. It doesnt save you that much money. It takes a long fucking time to cook. Creates an enormous mess. And the food A) isnt even that good and B) comes out shitty because its being cooked by you instead of someone who knows what they are going. Now I’ve made a some that turned out alright (Mexican chicken sandwiches). I’ve made some that came out TERRIBLE (some sort of mint-curry meatballs that were flat out inedible. Followed the recipe to a T and even Duncan wouldnt eat them) And then some were just full blown catastrophes like the pizza you see in the picture. The pizza is particularly ridiculous because I can just go by a delicious gourmet pizza pie cooked by a professional for like 12 bucks. Why on earth would anyone take the time to mince shallots and pick thyme off of stems and roll out pizza dough when you can just go buy a professional pizza? Save time money and dishes.
Now, the main reason I do this is just to get credit with my wife. I sent her this picture and said “I tried. I still get credit for trying. Blue Apron is the devil. I’m ordering from Napolis.” As long as I get those brownie points and pretend I’m a real adult man as we’re about to have a family, its all good. But for the rest of the yuppies in NYC and the surrounding area why in God’s name would you ever use this service? You get small portions of average food cooked by a shitty chef that then needs to clean up. Terrible. Its the Devil in a Box.
Todays episode also features Last Rites for JJ as his wedding is looming. His last episode as an unmarried man. So we talk about women and the whole engagement process, bachelor and bachelorette parties. Of course Geno Smith and some Mets Yankees. Almost 90 minutes of Mailtime for you today.