Barstool Confessions: I Declined Partaking In The "Broad Off" Against Jeff Nadu Because I Never Stood A Chance Against Him In The First Place
The talk of the ENTIRE internet this morning is how some sick, twisted freak stole Jeff Nadu's identity for dating apps. The chick sniffed out the catfish attempt and this is what she found:
CLEARLY either an inside job (looking at you, Rico) or someone trying to use the broad king himself's likeness to land himself a slam piece for the weekend.
Jeff is obviously exonerated because he told us it's not him. I'm a great judge of character and he doesn't seem like a shady guy. Not in the least, and after getting to kiiiinda know him, I know this: he'd never EVER resort to using dating apps to pick up broads. Nadu is a cat that brims with confidence and has disgustingly good looks. Everyone knows that. You think he'd stoop to catfishing women on dating apps for the soul purpose of getting laid? Ha. Good one, loser. He doesn't need to. He's Jeff fucking Nadu. Show some goddamn respect. Women slip in puddles of their own wetness just by being in his general vicinity.
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So I'm here to admit defeat and to publicly bend the knee to Jeff Nadu.
You may ask what I'm talking about with my above admission, so let me explain.
A few months back, Jeff and I were on the Dave Portnoy Show (RIPIP) and Dave proposed Jeff and I have a broad off at a bar, club, or whatever. Jeff even said he'd let me have home field advantage and that we could do it in Chicago. A sort of handicap, if you will.
I declined. I said something along the lines of, "If you gave me a choice between getting shot in the face or hanging out with Jeff Nadu in a bar trying to pick up broads, I'd opt for death 10x out of 10" and went on to rip apart Nadu's doughy body, his Lloyd Christmas haircut, and his general lack of self-esteem, self-awareness, and confidence.
The only thing about me saying all of that is that I was projecting. I was 100% taking my own personal demons and placing them onto Jeff Nadu. Ya know why?
I knew I had no shot in a broad off against him. It's as simple as that. That'd be like my shitty D3 baseball team going down to Baton Rouge and playing LSU or something. Just a complete mismatch any single way you slice it, and now that Jeff CLEARLY has dudes running around on dating apps using his likeness to get laid, it's time to come clean.
Jeff's a winner. I'm a loser. That's all it boils down to. He also challenged me to RnR and I declined that as well because I know he'd cave my face in.
Hopefully we find the prick using Jeff's likeness and internet bully him into submission. If and when we do, that guy has to watch Jeff stuff his broad in front of him. Fair is fair. That's a punishment that perfectly fits the crime.
Another note: it SICKENS me that the first thing the chick in the catfish video did was laugh when Nadu's face popped up. Hey toots, you'd be straight up lucky if Nadu chose to enter you. Get over yourself, asshole.
A final note: I'm live with Smitty in the Barstool iCasino playing table games, come join