It's no secret that Nate and Hubbs work tirelessly to keep us from blogging dumb shit. Partly to keep us out of trouble (i.e. Francis) but also to keep trash blogs off the website. Most of these trash blogs are written by me. But I'd argue that I am the Shakespeare of our time. No one appreciated Van Gogh while he was alive and I am the Van Gogh of Barstool sports. So today, I am going to share with you some of the titles of these one-of-a-kind pieces of art that will never see the light of day.
1. Real or Fake A Visual Quiz
Now this one was meant to be educational. I wanted to test the Stoolies with this quick anatomy quiz. It was meant to sharpen your mind and challenge you.
2. Dog Breeds That I'd Like To Fuck
Listen, we ALL have looked at a husky from time to time and been like… you know what? Kinda hot. How about Corgis… I've never seen an ass so fat. I think this would end the stigma around doggies being lowkey baddies.
3. Halloween Costumes You Should Wear To Your Parents' Church's Fall Festival
Now, these were adorable. Like Ghislaine and Epstein? You're bound to win the costume contest. All the kids will love it! I don't know how you will come up with a unique enough contest for this year's fall festival without this article.
4. Reasons Nate should be fired
I made some fair points in this article. Yes, Nate has been at this company for years and works extremely hard. Yes, maybe I've only been at this company for three months. But I feel like in my short time here I've captured the essence of Barstool. That essence includes hanging out and having a High Noon every once and a while. Nate never does that. He's always working or yelling at someone about "we're going to be sued" and other boring nonsense. That's not very chill and Barstool is all about hanging out and chilling out.
5. Ok…But Just Hear Me Out On Kanye
6. Your Guide To The Butt Hole
Everything you need to know about the booty. You all were robbed of this article. If there is one thing I know about Stoolies, it's that you all could benefit from a pinky finger in your b-hole. Every time one of you comments on my posts "worst hire" or "shut your whore mouth you worthless ugly slut" I just think to myself… "wow. There is so much pent-up aggression. That Stoolie could use a finger in their booty. Maybe even a thumb or a large man's finger."
I hope this blog shows you what I am capable of. My creativity and writing ability is one of a kind and surpasses any of the bloggers here. I am the Shakespeare of Barstool.