Dalvin Cook Has To Take An Online Training Course To Save $1,485 In Fines For Launching A Ball Into The Stands After A Touchdown
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Live look at Dalvin Cook:
Love speaking in third person by number only. Perfect mix of Tim Riggins and an NFL player. Personally just a huge fan of calling people by their numbers, but it's a tricky game. Certain numbers work. You can't be walking around calling people '38' that number fucking stinks. Easily the best number for any sport is 22. Won't even hear a debate about it. It's a fast number. You can be hit with the 2-2 or double deuce name. It's perfection.
I digress here. This blog isn't about numbers. This is about online training courses. If you ever worked a bullshit cube job you know exactly what these are. Some Dee Reynolds-esque actor pops on screen from the 1980s to talk about not stealing company time. All the bad things like stealing paper is actually a crime against the company. You zone out, don't listen to a word and just hit check on the fact you completed training. Move on.
Now $1,485 is NOTHING to Dalvin Cook. It's basically a $15 fine. However, I want him to take this course out of spite. Do it and document the entire thing. It's 2022. We all have cameras. We all crave content. Have a teammate broadcast you doing the online training.
Need Dalvin to do a fake throw after a touchdown score. Rub it in. Have fun even though Goodell hates fun. He'll probably try to suspend him but it'll be worth it. Oh and it's important to note this was for a game-winning touchdown. Yeah it wasn't the end of the game or anything. But if it ends up being the game-winner you should be allowed to do any celebration free of fine.