October Weddings Should Be Illegal And Jail Worthy

Photonews. Getty Images.

I'm approaching that time in my life when all my friends get married. I'm looking at something like 8 weddings in the next 12 months. It's nonsense and surely going to run me out of money. Tomorrow begins that bonanza with my best friend tying the knot. He's a tremendous asshole. I love him to death, but he's scum. 

Why is he scum? Because he's getting married in October. This is all on him by the way, and not the beautiful bride. I want to make this very clear, it should be against the law to get married in October. Treat it like prohibition back in the day where if you really wanted to have one you had to do it in secret. There's way too much going on in the sports world in October to be getting married. Baseball postseason, the heart of the college football season, NBA, NHL, and NFL. Jail worthy in my opinion to have your special day in the middle of all that. Of course he's a Mets/Browns fan so he didn't bat an eye with the scheduling here. Me though? I'm in hell. 

Am I going to sound selfish here? Probably, but it's my blog and I make the rules. Tomorrow is Game 3 of the ALCS. The Yankees are down 2-0 to the Astros in a fight for their life and have Gerrit Cole on the bump with the season on the ropes. First pitch will be delivered tomorrow in the Bronx at 5:07 EST. The wedding ceremony I'm in will kick off around 6:30. Eric's brain will then enter a torture chamber. I genuinely don't know what I'm going to do. 

I want to be as respectful as humanly possible because I actually like these two people and I'm very happy for them (takes a lot for me to be happy about anyone or anything), but at the same time the Yankees have their season on the line with their ace on the bump. A little saving grace may be that the wedding party is not standing up near the bride and groom because there's so many of us. Am I an asshole for potentially have gamecast up via the Score app? 100%, but I'm used to being the asshole. It's a must win postseason game for the Yankees with Gerrit Cole on the mound, I can't just go cold turkey in like the 4th or 5th inning. Now I'm not gonna have my phone out for everyone to see like a real dick, but there will be glances and there's nothing you can do to stop me. Might have to slip the rabbi a Ben Franklin before things get going to make sure we're in and out in a timely fashion. The question is whether it's bad juju to bribe a holy man like that. I'll wrestle with that internal strife for the next 24 hours. 

Oh and while all this is going on I'll be getting tweets from a lunatic presumably calling me a racist and sexist simply because I fought back on stream and challenged her a bit. I don't regret a word I said by the way, not that any of you care. I live and die with every pitch all season long just to have this happen. I am a maniacal sociopath when it comes to this stupid team. The way I see it, every fan like that deserves to watch their team die in proper fashion. This company used to handle things that way with die hard fans going at it. Hopefully we can get Megan Makin Money in the mix if the series somehow goes deep. 

Now I get that all of this is producing a ton of clicks and it will continue, but put yourself in my shoes and tell me you'd handle it well. If you say you would you're lying. Also, if my words spark Tiko to becoming a hard-working, stellar employee then that's fantastic news for all of us. Word to the wise, if your big trick is attaching yourself to my content I don't think that's the best career move.

Programming news: No stream tomorrow, but you'll get to see Tommy, Mush, and Tiko at the game so be on the look out for those clips. Our war will resume on Sunday, but for now my battle shifts towards this wedding. Mazel Tov.