Eyes closed. Deep breath. Exhale slowly. Whisper mantra. Find inner peace. Gather thoughts. And ... begin.
I can't believe I'm still having this conversation in 2022. But here goes.
Let's get one thing clear right off the top. Justin Jones is not a good player. Despite being eighth on the Bears defense with 260 total snaps, he has just 11 tackles on the season. And the lowest Pro Football Focus defensive grade on the team, with just 37.0. That puts him in the bottom 20 among all defensive linemen in the league. That's the kind of performance that gets your agent calling around to XFL teams to see if they need some depth up front.
But as bad as Jones is at football, he's worse when it comes to history, current events, the law, and physics. Basic physics. The simple kind that can be explained by a middle schooler's Science Fair project. It's the reason why at this time every year, my Twitter timeline gets flooded with photos of people's car dashboards with the tire pressure warning light lit up. And you don't have to be Mona Lisa Vito to know that Ideal Gas isn't just a good idea, it's the Law:
It's PV=nRT. It explains why things that are filled with air lose pressure when they're exposed to the cold. And if Justin Jones thinks Bill Belichick invented it, he's off by about 4.5 billion years. (And I say this as someone who does believe Belichick created the Earth.)
But OK. Fine. Some people prefer to be Science Deniers. Some simply find it easier to think the universe is 5,000 years old and the Earth is flat and balanced on the back of a giant space turtle. Or that the reason a coach in the modern era of free agency and salary caps could pass George Halas on the all time wins list is because he secretly conspires to squeeze air out of the footballs, and for no other reason. It's simpler for a willfully ignorant mind to grasp than accepting that said coach is smarter, harder working, more adaptable, and has better judgment than all the people he's competed against over the last 50 years.
But how naively dumb do you have to be to still be swallowing the NFL's gigantic, whopping lie they started telling in January of 2015? Good god, how can any grown up brain still take Roger Goodell's side in this? Does Jones or the guy interviewing him not remember how Ginger Satan insisted that the game balls were all going to be measured with unbiased, scientific accuracy and those results would be made public in the name of [wait for it] ... integrity and transparency? Have we ever seen them? Why do you think that is? If they proved Belichick and Tom Brady's guilt, they'd still be on NFL.com's home page. Instead, they were kept secret like they were nuclear codes. Why do these dopes assume that is?
Besides, since the league claims to have cracked down on this alleged plot beginning with that 2014 AFC championship game in Foxboro, all Belichick has done is go to four Super Bowls and win three. And Brady went on to win yet another while throwing unadulterated balls in Tampa. Despite the game balls being kept under armed guards and delivered to the field in a Brink's truck. Apparently Belichick and Brady are still bribing the equipment guys to conspire with them or they're Penn & Teller pulling off the greatest trick of their career. Either way, we know that it's not that they are simply great at what they do. Unlike, for instance, Justin Jones.
But go ahead. Keep believing the lie. Forget that the reason Brady got suspended wasn't because he was proven guilty; it was because a federal court found Der Kommissar has the absolute power to punish any player any way he sees fit, for any reason he feels like. Which players like Justin Jones applauded, without thinking it through and realizing that evil, thin-lipped, feckless tyrant has the power to do the same thing to them.
Though for now, that's the least of Jones' problems. The immediate threat to him is going to be what Belichick does with this latest bit of inflammatory Bulletin Board fodder. There are still some coaches and players on this team who lived through that nonsense. And saw all that they had accomplished called into question. They don't appreciate being called cheaters by anybody, least of all a terrible defensive lineman. So I can guarantee Jones is going to get run at. An unhealthy dose of Rhamondre Stevenson is coming his way behind Cole Strange, David Andrews, and one of the best interior offensive linemen in the game right now in Michael Onwenu:
Then we'll see whose balls are deflated.