Gear Up for the Playoffs | New Football T-Shirts, Crewnecks, Hoodies and MoreSHOP NOW

Lighten the Fuck Up! Vanessa Wanted to Make Her Boss's Birthday One He'd Never Forget...

Giphy Images.

Thursday was Paul's 45th birthday. His wife didn't wish him happy birthday in the morning, his parents never called, and his kids didn't even get him a card. When Paul got to work, his colleagues, some of whom he had worked with for 15 years, ignored him. Sadly, no one wished him happy birthday…

As Paul made his way into his office, Vanessa, his attractive, 27-year-old secretary, greeted him enthusiastically, "Happy birthday, boss!" For a moment, Paul felt special, and well he should; it was his birthday, the one day a year he expected a little special treatment. 

Vanessa asked Paul if he wanted to go out for a birthday lunch, just the two of them. He was ecstatic that at least someone remembered, and he accepted the invite without giving it a second thought…

After enjoying a great lunch together and consuming several alcoholic beverages, Vanessa invited Paul back to her apartment. As soon as they were inside and the door was locked, she asked, "Do you mind if I go into the bedroom for a minute?" 

"No problem," he replied, and motioning toward the couch, he said, "I'll be waiting for you right here…" 

Paul couldn't believe it; despite his early morning disappointment, this birthday ended up being very special after all, and now he only had one thing on his mind, and he could barely contain himself. Vanessa was gorgeous and definitely out of his league…

Five minutes later, the bedroom door swung open, and Vanessa came strolling out… fully dressed, carrying a birthday cake, and right behind her was Paul's wife, his parents, his kids, and his colleagues, who, on cue, all yelled, "SURPRISE!!!" 

Paul was at once shocked and then embarrassed, and sitting bare-ass on the couch, he struggled to cover himself with throw pillows while trying desperately to come up with an explanation… 

In the comments, let me know what you'd say to save your marriage given the incriminating circumstances… My "Meme Team" and I will sort through all the comments and choose the one we think is the best, and that individual will win a free Barstool Star 47 Hat ($30 value). So, get creative with your explanations! I'll post the winner on Monday night just prior to the Bears-Patriots kickoff on this blog and on Twitter @Vindog56

AND THE WINNER IS…

TFerg7

"Honey, barstool was giving away a free 47 hat to the first person who got naked."

TFerg7 reply to your comment in the blog, "I WON!" and DM me on Twitter @Vindog56 or email me at levine@barstoolsports.com with your mailing address. Congrats!

                                                                                                                                                                                                                      

I swiped 61 candles five years ago. Where were you then Roger Maris Jr.? ("Happy Birthday to ME!")

Vindog has been repurposing jokes since 1968…                                                                                                                                 

This is LTFU Joke #126!