A Peanut Butter Sandwich That Is Lewd, Lascivious, Salacious...Outrageous- But That's The Old Skool Way

I knew as soon as I saw him sitting down to make this sandwich that we were in for something special. We are gonna break this clip down shotgun style and check everything out. 

First up, the bread choice was on the nose. If you know Big Time Tommie like I know Big Time Tommie, you know that he's is as Italian as the day is long. He's as Italian as all of our Yankees fans in the office which is pretty fuckin Italian. 

I'll be honest, I got nervous when I saw the spoon. I'm a knife guy. How on earth are you gonna spread that with a spoon? But that's when I learned something. We aren't spreading. In fact, we are doubling the fuck down. There were not one, two, but three HUGE tablespoons of peanut butter. Just the peanut butter alone must be close to 1000 calories. It's like half a jar of peanut butter. Jimmy Carter is gonna be rich with sandwiches like Tommie's. This is RICH people's peanut butter and jelly. There's no two ways around that. It's still old school but it ain't fuckin cheap, boys. 

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Just when I start to wrap my brain around the peanut butter, in comes the jelly like an Owen Grey compilation. Just giving us the jelly business all day long without a break in ways we've never even imagined. I'm laying there with my legs over my head taking jelly spoonful after jelly spoonful. How can this sandwich close? HOW? It's too big. It will never fit in my mouth and if it does, I won't swallow. I'll spit it out on video and that's fucking embarrassing and ruins the video if we are being truthful. 

Is that a fuckin banana? Two pounds of peanut butter followed by a gallon of jelly wasn't enough? We need our potassium fix? We need to just cut one of them bad boys up and toss it on there for good measure? Chef's choice, I guess. 

The banana is a fine move for a PBJ. I like a banana pbj too from time to time. The bacon bits were a choice though. Hard ass artificial bullshit. If you have the money for a new jar of peanut butter and a new jar of jelly, get a couple of slices of actual bacon but honestly, that's nitpicking. 

Lastly, I gasped when I saw the size of the sandwich at the end. There was shit all over the place. He couldn't talk. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't close the sandwich. It was perfect. Say what you want, but doing it the old-school way is the only way to do it… if you can afford it. I can't. You might be able to if you're OS for life. Take it ease.