My Plan To Get Absolutely Jacked This Fall

It's been a rough go for your boy. Not because of sports teams, but just thanks to general aging, metabolism slowing, and not being able to balance (I haven't tried) being on the internet full time with healthy lifestyle and workout routine. Young Chief (aged 32) looked much different. Borderline attractive even. Look at this guy

I was able to wear a t-shirt, nay, a mesh soccer kit, without my titties blobbing in the wind. Those were good days. I mean not really. I was depressed. My company and career were in the gutter and I didn't know where my life was heading, BUT…I was in shape which is really the most important thing in the world. I took all the frustrations of my life out on the treadmill and pickup basketball courts like 6 days a week. 

Fast forward to 2022 and I am taking my life of disappointments out on my fridge. Then I go back for more when one of my teams fucks something up. I made a big pot of chili on saturday which is largely healthy, but I end up topping it with tortilla chips that are crumbled like my hopes and dreams after another Notre Dame fumble. I end up on the toilet the next day and I am shocked that my body is even able to convert some of that chili pot to fat with how much of it exited my body. Something has to change and I know I can't rely on my sports teams to bring me joy. 

Every single team in my life brings me agony and disappointment. You'd think I'd be immune to it at this point, but unfortunately I grew up in a stable household with two parents who loved me so I am an optimist. I always think things will get better, but they never do and I inevitably end up hurt. The Bears, Blackhawks, Cubs, Notre Dame, and Nottingham Forest are conspiring to give me a coronary. I know that those organizations don't particularly love me as a person and makes me think they're actually trying to kill me so I'll just shut up on the internet. 

I am flipping the script. I am going to redirect my pain into pushups. I started this routine on Saturday where every time I get pissed off at one of my teams I hit the deck. Saturday featured a triple header of misery with Nottingham Forest, Notre Dame, and the Blackhawks. That day gave me 150 push-ups and the Blackhawks won. Which also caused me to do pushups because even wins are really losses this year when you're trying to win the Connor Bedard sweepstakes. I entered the 108 weight loss challenge and when I combine a little cardio for that with my pain-pushups there's no telling how jacked I will get. Probably going to be hot by Christmas. I will be in good enough shape to stop pretending that my horrible beard serves any purpose besides covering my double chin. 

I think we can make this a movement. If you have a team that constantly punches you in the gut, shrink the gut. Send in the pushup count. Let's all get hot together in 2022.