The Definitive List Of The Top 5 Greatest "Bad" Movies Ever
Earlier this week, Sales Guy Jr. aka Chuck Naso threw this tweet out:
To which I responded *spoiler alert* that Never Back Down was the best "bad" movie of all time. Before we talk shop, let's break down what a "bad" movie is.
A "bad movie" is not a movie that aims to be bad or cheesy; some people I polled threw out movies like Eurotrip and Vegas Vacation as good "bad" movies, and I disagree that those qualify for this list. Those movies aim to be cheesy and corny. The movies that qualify for this list aim to be "good" movies, but are objectively poorly produced, have shitty acting and really dumb plots. But they are also wildly entertaining and watchable in spite of being really fucking bad.
Sharknado is a decent enough example, but is just too *actually* bad to make my list, at least in my eyes.
Regardless, this is the definitive list and not up for dispute, and that especially counts for movies I haven't seen. I will say this as well: if I haven't seen a movie that you think should be in this top 5, I want you to take the VHS of that movie and stick it up your ass. This is my list, not yours.
I'm sorry I yelled. But here's the definitive list:
***HONORABLE MENTIONS***
- Bloodsport
- the Twilight movies
- Mr. and Mrs. Smith
- Gone in 60 Seconds (or any Nic Cage movie for that matter)
- Walking Tall (someone on twitter told me this and I couldn't agree more)
- Green St. Hooligans
- The Replacements
- Behind Enemy Lines
- Enemy of the State
- Shooter (And most Wahlberg movies)
- Out Cold (probably just a good movie but it also sucks, so I'll put it here)
If I missed any honorable mentions, feel free to drop them in the comment section below
Annnnnnnnnd we're off!!!
5. Final Destination (entire series)
These movies are the epitome of late 90s, early 2000s slasher type movies. In fact the entire genre could qualify for this list. The Scream movies? Yeah those movies are fucking awful but I love them unconditionally.
The Final Destination movies are so goddamn dumb though. I specifically remember watching what I THINK was Final Destination 2 in my buddy's basement in HS and there was a scene where some dude got sliced up by a barbed wire fence that exploded. The wires sliced through his entire body and he just crumpled into quarters. One of my buddy's I was watching with burst out in laughter as if it was a Farrelly Bros comedy.
Another dude got sucked down a jet in a pool and spit out a pipe on the other end. These movies are so goddamn gory, so cheesy and SO bad. But also hilarious especially during the month of October when you're trying to get your Halloween fix in.
4. Fast and the Furious (entire series):
This one is going to piss some people off, but I'll just direct you to the start of the blog where I said you can fuck yourself if you disagree with me on this list. But like…come on… they're not "good" movies. They're cheesy as fuck. Vin Diesel is not a good actor, nor is Paul Walker (RIPIP), and do NOT get me started on Michelle Rodriguez. The Ja Rule cameo is corny too.
That said, I love them. There's like a million movies in the series and I'm not sure I've seen all of them, but I've seen enough to know that they're definitely some of the best "bad" movies ever.
3. Armageddon:
Armageddon has a STRONG case for #1 on this list. Despite it's star studded cast, it's an objectively awful movie. But if I'm hungover on a Saturday morning and it's on TBS, I'm watching it 100x out of 100.
The animal cracker scene with Liv Tyler and Ben Affleck? ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME!!!!!
This might be the BEST love scene in movie history. Definitely up there. Absolutely adorable and it makes me pine to find a woman that can put up with my dumbass and love me unconditionally like Liv Tyler clearly loves Ben in this scene. Goddamn does this scene tug at my heart strings. What an incredible flick, while also being a complete dog shit flick.
2. Boondock Saints:
I watched The Boondock Saints about a year ago for the first time in a hot minute. I love this movie. Awesome action, cool premise. But it's a really bad movie. I love it, but it's god awful. There's a reason it was basically straight to DVD and had extremely limited release in theatres. Critics HATED it. But the people loved it and it developed a big time cult following.
It's just really fucking bad. But awesome. But really bad.
1. Never Back Down:
Without question my favorite "bad" movie of all time, and since this list is definitive, it's your favorite bad movie too. Never Back Down has it all; action, an awesome punk rock sound track, and Baja Miller:
Say what you want about Amber Heard now, but there was a hot second when she was THE smoke. Not a smoke, THE smoke.
And this is all before I get into the fact that every time I watch Never Back Down, I actually want to run through a brick wall. I want to get off my ass, start MMA training, start lifting weights again, and challenge Alex Volcanovski for his title belt. In fact, there's not a doubt in my mind that I'd cave his face in right here, right now so long as I watched Never Back down before the fight.
It's kinda funny too; that movie spit out two dudes who have won or are about to win a SHIT ton of awards. Evan Peters is about to win a fuck ton for his rendition of Jeffrey Dahmer and Djimon Hounsou has been nominated for two best supporting actors. Those doesn't make Never Back Down any good though; it's still an objectively god awful movie. But I love it and will always love it.
UPDATE: Taken might be #1 on this list, but nobody told responded with it on Twitter and I forgot about it. Awesome dog shit movie though