Everybody loves a good under dog sports movie. Where the more arrogant, obnoxious and physically opposing team loses in the end. It makes for a great story. The new kid who wasn't chosen to be on a team where he clearly didn't belong finds a group of outcast and form what I call the Megazord of sports teams. But sometimes I feel that history should be written in reality. Where the smaller player gets whats expected. Where the slower player lets his friends and family down. Where little Johnny can't get his dying wish because willie Mayes Hayes wasn't fast enough around those bases. I'd like to talk about some instances where the better team should've won and by when I mean, Convincingly!
1994 - Little Giants
In what is possibly one of the greatest underdog movies in sports movie history we take "Kevins Cowboys" which would be considered the pop Warner version of 2014 Seattle Seahawks and pit them against "Dannys Little Giants' which to me could be considered any version of the Detroit Lions (minus Barry sanders). The match up is so lopsided that the head coach of the cowboys (played by Ed O'Neil) is willing to bet his entire car dealership on it. The Cowboys have a 10 year running back thats probably 6'1 165 pounds whom carries refrigerators on his back for fun, a quarterback that if in the right system would make Lamar Jackson jealous and a fullback, YES A FULLBACK that hits a player so hard the other player talks out of his butt! But no! After going up by 21 points in the first half and injuring the only chance the Little Giants have (the QB that eventually comes back from a broken back) the Cowboys somehow squander the lead. And to make matters more frustrating, the weirdly violent fullback somehow gets the soul knocked out of him by a child whom would need crutches for his jaw because his braces were too heavy! If rewritten in reality, the Cowboys should've won 63-7 only because the Heisman trophy winning coach would've wanted his niece Becky to be apart of celebrating a touchdown to rub in his brothers (her fathers) face whom by the way illegally recruited the 10 year old man child and impersonated his brother!
1993- Rookie of the Year
When it comes to baseball everybody knows, the hot hand is gonna win. But in the case of "Rookie of the Year" its the hot arm of a teenager with the strongest elbow outside any student in the first American Pie film that brings the cubs to post season glory. While the Chicago Cubs struggle to put fans in the stands, a teenager whom is a diehard fan of the fictionally bad cubs, breaks his arm and the cast causes his joints to heal too tightly. With this new found tightness in his throwing arm the child catches a ball in the stands and throws a 200 mph fast ball from stands to home plate which garners the attention the cubs ownership. I personally have no problem with the story. It's fun, its hilarious and its endearing. But before the teenager with the most difficult last name (Rowengartner) in child sports movie history joined the team, the Cubs were bad at every single position. They sucked! But somehow the new pitcher makes every single person better. And he wins the most important game in their franchise history by throwing a floater to the most violent home run hitter I've ever seen.
If written in reality that ball should've still been traveling in space somewhere! The fictional cubs could've been better but to go from last to 2 best in the division based all on a pitcher that didn't improv their batting average, catching skills, coaching prowess or fitness is insane. They should have easily been beating by the bigger, faster, stronger more dominate mets who again had Hacksaw Jim Duggan at batter where he was murdering pitches being thrown at 99mph. The floater that Dawson creek tossed to him should have been a lesson in why you don't put kids in grown up situations.
1992- White Men can't Jump
Who wants to go sizzla? Before hoochie daddy shorts were a thing, Wesley Snipes were rocking those! Back when John Stockton was the epitome of point guards and the big man position dominated basketball Woody Harrelson made it cool for white men to NOT have to dunk. The movie White Men can't Jump is based around pick up basketball and the hustle that sometimes come with it. The unlikely duo of 2 street ballers whom skills would be comparable to Russel Westbrook and Gordon Hayward teamed up to take down the west coast best street ballers for money and sometimes the honor of their mother.
But heres where things would've been different if written in reality. In almost all of the matchups Sidney was a liability on defense. He was quick, fast and a great offensive weapon but he was undersized. In reality he would've been pushed around and taken to task in the post. His counter part Billy Hoyle (there could never be a more Caucasian name in the history of namedom) was a great shooter and a deadly passer, but he was incredibly slow and easy to read. Any person with any street ball knowledge would've ate him alive not including the unnecessary "love scene" . They not only should've lost the championship game because of lost chemistry and trust issues due to blade stabbing Billy in the back over a few bucks but because they simply weren't better. The physical nature of the teams they played would've been too demanding on the bones of a 5'10 point guard and gate community security officer. But Billy probably could name 50 foods that start with the letter Q!
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