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Top 5 Jobs I Would Want If I'm Not Re-Signed By Barstool Sports

This is my timeline every day so I am used to it. But I was listening to this week's Pick'em and they were listing off topics to Rico which included this one, which I am admittedly stealing since it hits home. Rico should still use this because it is a funny topic and making fun of yourself always works. Before I get into this blog I will and want to always work here so thank you for clicking on this to help my numbers even though it was a lot of them were hate clicks. 

Onto my list.

5. LIV Tour Caddy - I would sell out so fast for the LIV tour. I don't know anything about it but I would be the best caddie of all time. On the golf course I can be the best vibes guy of all time. I think any caddie that is giving tips on shots is trying way too hard. They are the professional athlete, let them pick the fucking club. 

I would flip the caddie game on its head because there is too many humble golfers. I will still respect the game but the LIV tour doesn't really respect it so as a caddie I will even talk shit to my golfer. Too many caddies play too nice with their guy, if he hits a dog shit shit get in his ear it will only make him better. I will also use my scumbag golf tactics in kicking the ball for a better lie and be the fall guy if we get in trouble. 

4. Traffic Controller - I know if you gave me every day to just working on making traffic better in each state, I can do it. Each state will need different ideas because in like Iowa they don't even have cars. They get around with just tractors. Pennsylvania doesn't need much either because a lot of the state is Amsish and they don't drive cars, so that helps traffic as well.

New York and LA are obviously the tricky places because thats all people complain about. I always said that there should be time zones when you are allowed on the highway. If you are a Doctor, police or anything like that you are free to drive at any time. If you are an accountant or wall street your time frame is from 7-9. If you work in entertainment your time frame is from 11-1. Your jobs will mirror these times because it will be a law and you will not miss any work. That is just off the top of my head imagine I had time and it was my job to fix this problem. 

3. Landscaper - I just love grass man. I can look at the lines in the outfield of a Major League baseball field for hours. I used to mow my lawn in Long island when and I would try and write my name into the grass. I also would try and do any design I can think of and imagine I had the tools for real designs and the time. I can be like the barber who was the specialist and doing designs in the back of peoples heads. I can do engagement parties, writing Will You Marry Me in the grass is the most romantic thing of all time. Edging grass also might be the most satisfying thing in this world. 

2. Door Man - This is the job to have right here. It is a really hard job because everyone comes to you with their problems with the building even though you don't have anything to do with it. But you know everything about these people. In the Amber Heard and Johnny Depp court case, the doorman was one of the main witnesses. They have all the information and they know everyone's dirt. If you are a doorman in any celebrity type building and you zip your mouth the tips you are getting will be out of this world.  I also think there is an underground doormen community where they all sign NDAs and all gossip about the people in their buildings and that sounds like a blast. 

1. McDonalds - You all want me to work here and not Barstool, but I would fucking kill it here. I would make it to corporate in no time by freshening things up on their menu. They are just happy with the success they have now but they haven't tried to change the menu in years. 

People have been begging for the snack wrap back, bring it the fuck back give people what they want. Make the Mcgangbang (A Mchicken and a Mcdouble combined in a sandwich), give it a better name then put it on the menu. I know Mcdonalds is doing completely fine but it can use a shake up issued by me. 

I love that people think telling me to work at McDonald's is a good chirp at me too. It is a great job so that doesn't bother me at all. 

I also can't wait to re-sign at Barstool because I do love it here. But look at how complacent McDonald's is in this video. It really is a shame.