MILF Porn Legend Brandi Love Offers Tom Brady Help in His Hour of Need

This is a tough time. Not just for Tom Brady and Gisele, but for any of us who are in love with love. They say that divorce is hardest on the children, and that may be true. But a close second is how hard it is on us hopeless romantics who appreciate the pure joy of seeing a happy couple in wedded bliss. 

A lot of us have been emotionally invested in the World's Most Celebrated Power Couple since they first jumped the broom back in early 2009. Their marriage has been our greatest hope. Proof that true love can triumph over anything. Even success, fame, riches, more success, perfect health and amazing bone structure. Through all those challenges, these two have made it work. Until, reportedly, now:

And at a time like this, if you really have cared about them as a couple, you owe them your support as divorced individuals. It's the only decent way to approach this new, sad phase in their lives. Of course, the internet has jokes:

But this is no laughing matter. If you enjoyed the happiness of their marriage, you should root for their happiness as single people. 

Fortunately, some people are willing to do more than just root for them. To offer them thoughts and prayers and best wishes for the future. And one of them is adult film star Brandi Love.

Albert L. Ortega. Getty Images.

This 49-year-old superstar is the Meryl Streep of the all-important MILF genre. And while she might find herself unwelcome at conservative students conventions, she's not one to back down from a challenge when she sees the opportunity to help someone. She might not be able to get Brady and Gisele back together. But what she does have is a certain set of skills. Skills that she has acquired over a very long career. Skills that make her a delight for any recently divorced man in his mid-40s. She will look for Brady. She will find Brady. And she will bone him. 

In a series of Tweets that are so positively NSFW that even linking to them would be considered my resignation letter, Ms. Love has photoshopped Brady's head onto the body of an adult film actor doing scenes with her. So that it looks like Brady is the one, um … scoring in her red zone. Hitting deep balls. Stretching the field. Delivering it with accuracy into tight windows. Spreading her out and attacking the MOFO. Connecting on the skinny post. Gashing her up the middle. Waiting for the tight end to come open. Putting it through the uprights. Tossing it to the seams, curls and flats.

What I can offer you is the captions on her posts:

“Dear Mr McDreamy (Tom Brady) , I’m genuinely sorry to hear about the divorce. It’s probably the toughest thing for anyone, of any financial situation to go through. If you need a lap to cry in or If you need any help relaxing .. I can help. I’ve thought about how 4 a long time." 

And:

“I’m not a huge fan of reverse cowgirl in real life but for @TomBrady I’d do it.”

Nice of her to link Brady in that one, so he presumably gets the message. And just by way of clarification, one of Brandi's one million followers asked why she's not a fan of that particular manuever and she replied, "It feels awesome but it’s TOUGH to hold that position. Inside Info: I have had to get cortisone shots twice in my shoulders due to this one position." Which not only speaks to her grit and professionalism, it sounds exactly like the kind of thing that could be treated at TB12 Fitness with resistance band workouts, pliability and a no-nightshades diet. So there you go. One hand washes the other. 

I imagine we'll see many such offers to both of these poor souls as they go through this heartache. When a couple of prime catches like this are coming back on the market for the first time in 13 years of committed monogamy. I just hope that as newly single Brady goes over his options, he remembers that the experienced, world class sexpert Brandi Love offered her professional services first.