Man Claims Dog "Accidentally" Ordered Hustler Channel

SOURCE - A man has been left red faced after his dog accidentally ordered pay-per-view porn when he got hold of the TV remote. Thomas Barnes claims his bichon frise, named Marino, inadvertently ordered the Hustler channel, a semi-hardcore pornographic premium television channel, when he jumped on to his bed. 

He believes the naughty pooch landed on the TV remote and pushed the wrong buttons when trying to make himself comfortable. After realizing what had happened, Thomas contacted his satellite provider "within minutes" and tried to explain how it was all a misunderstanding. He was assured the problem would be sorted - but later realized he still had access to the X-rated channel.

There are either two possibilities with this story and either one leaves me thinking Marino is getting an unfair amount of grief.

Frederick M. Brown. Getty Images.

Option 1: Thomas enjoys the publication Hustler and really wanted to check out the offerings that an entire channel would present him. Perhaps it would go more in depth into the parts of Hustler that he enjoys the most. He has to wait to enjoy Hustler on a monthly basis. Now he could enjoy it at his leisure. Plus, he really wanted to jack off to unbridled tits and vag that his current cable channel options did not currently provide.

After satisfying himself, he immediately had regret for his impulsive sexual appetite and was either worried someone would see this charge on his cable bill or (if he lives alone) did not want to pay for what the Hustler channel had to offer. So, he made up this wild excuse that he hoped people would believe because many people have dogs and they can certainly get into wacky hijinks now and then. Marino is left being collateral damage.

I call this the THOMAS IS FULL OF SHIT option.

Option 2: Marino is really fucking smart. He knows his owner Thomas is lonely or not being satisfied properly. Marino, for all of his brilliance is also a selfless dog so instead of buying treats or things he would like, Marino wanted to do something for his owner. Knowing how quickly human society shames people for their sexual behavior and that Thomas often holds his urges back, Marino took upon himself to make this purchase on Thomas' behalf.

Imagine Marino's horror when Thomas was not happy but instead enraged at this purchase and immediately called DirecTV to get this charge reversed. For all of Marino's brilliance, it instead led to Thomas becoming embarrassed and probably increasing the very restrictions Thomas puts on his own urges. 

I call this the BRILLIANT DOG option.

Call me a cynic but I am leaning towards the THOMAS IS FULL OF SHIT choice.