STOP THE PRESSES: Trevor Noah Is Dating DUA LIPA??? AFTER DATING MINKA KELLY?!?!?!

What in the fuck is this?! Dua Lipa is with Trevor Noah?! And that's on the heels of Trevor Noah dating Minka Kelly? I take back everything I ever said about Trevor Noah, he's a legit god. A god among us mortals. Is he the new Clooney/Jeter/Leo? I'm shook. I could handle Trevor Noah dating Minka Kelly. It hurt my soul, but hey, I outkick my coverage too, just ask your mom. But for him to pivot to Dua Lipa? That's some witchcraft. That's preposterous.  The man who has spent the last 10 years making the same Trump joke is knocking boots with her::::::

Heavens to Betsy! 

And I have written this about Trevor Noah before, I don't meant to be a hater. He's more successful than me, and practically 99.99999% of people alive. But I have never met a Trevor Noah fan. Not once. Even his promos on Comedy Central, which are supposedly the jokes that are supposed to make you watch the show, are as bland as plain oatmeal. But he must be doing something correctly. He must be doing something right. Because all he does is cash massive checks, live in a $27 million mansion, and go from Minka Kelly to Dua Lipa. You just gotta respect that.