There Is A Documentary Coming Out Next Month About Barney The Dinosaur, The People That Wanted To Kill Him, And The Urban Legends Of What Happened On Set

Clem9/29/2022 8:40 PM

Look at Peacock wisely doing what everyone else is doing these days and suckling on the nostalgia teet that always supplies milk in the form of money thanks to idiots like me that love living in the awesome past instead of scary future. For example, I will be at my local Mickey D's to pick up one of these as soon as they change the menu over from breakfast to lunch.

Back to Barney. After watching that trailer, I'd like to apologize to the people who lived through all that nonsense because a big purple dinosaur became the biggest thing in every nursery school in America. But that video was one of the most preposterous things I've ever watched.

I was a an older kid when Barney blew the fuck up and I remember hating him like any normal kid hates shows they think are for little kids or babies. But never in a million years did I think there were death threats and shootings going on over a big happy dinosaur known for singing a song about love (even if it was sung by a dinosaur that sounded like he recently had a stroke).

However you also have to remember that this was during a time when the internet was in its formative days and it wasn't easy to let your hate at random strangers out. You had to get on the computer when it was available, dial onto the internet when nobody was on the phone, and then decide if you were going to be a lover (have cybersex with a rando that was lying to you about their a/s/l) or a fighter (talking shit on message boards, chat rooms, or whatever else was around those days).

Luckily humans have since been able to build a bigger and broader internet for us to hate on such a wider array of random things that a big purple dinosaur wouldn't become a big purple target for weirdos with nothing better to do with their lives. So shout out to humanity for that. We may be fucked as a species but at least we don't have as many people doing stuff like this to kids toys and instead spending their time being mean anonymously on reddit, 4chan, and any other social media channel in this digital hellscape we live in.

Outside of the attempted murder plots, I need to hear that at least one of those rumors about what happened on the Barney set were true. I don't care if it's that Barney hid drugs in his tail, yelled at kids, practiced satanic rituals on set, or any of the other twisted shit that got spread around. But give me one instance of debauchery being true that Snopes didn't debunk back in the day.

P.S. If we are being honest, I would've thrown lamb chop on a grill and eaten her dead body with a side of mint jelly since I hated the fuck out of that her stupid goddamn face.