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Heather Graham Still Got It

Does the name Heather Graham still conjure up fond memories for people reading this?

Henry Lamb. Shutterstock Images.

God, I hope so.

She was in a couple of Hangover movies (after Lindsay Lohan turned down the role)

She played Felicity Shagwell in an Austin Powers movie…

She was unhinged in Anger Management

She played Roller Girl in Boogie Nights

(By the way, she has not spoken to her religious parents since the release of Boogie Nights in 1997)

And here are a couple more bullets…

  • Was among over 80 women who accused Harvey Weinstein of sexual harassment or assault in October 2017.
  • Was forced to turn down the lead role in Heathers because her parents thought the language was too risque.
  • Auditioned for the Jennifer Grey role in Dirty Dancing.
  • Turned down the Teri Polo role in Meet the Parents.
  • Turned down the Shannon Elizabeth role in Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back.
  • Has dated Corey Feldman, Matt Dillon, Adam Ant, James Woods, Jon Favreau, Heath Ledger, Russell Crowe, Benicio Del Toro, and (of course) Leonardo DiCaprio.

Why do I bring her up?

Well 1.) She is one of Stu Feiner's all-time favorite Hollywood actresses and I just had Stu on another episode of Twisted History…

And 2.) I read yesterday that she was still frolicking in a 2 piece at the age of 52… It made my heart fill with joy and my loins swell with blood.

52 is tough… Believe me.

Even Tony Stark's widow agrees and she is 3 years younger…

So at an age where Gwyneth Paltrow is considering ratcheting up the "funk" ratio of her vagina-scented candles, it's nice to see an old friend like Heather still keeping it sexy.


Before I go any further, some mewling quim might ask: "Large, did you just say an older woman's vagina is 'funky'?"

Why, yes I did.

And the reason I am comfy saying it is that EVERYTHING on a woman OR a man starts to pick up a different odor the older one gets.

So if you are a young lad or lass with genitals that still have that "new car smell" then cherish them while you can… They will inevitably start to get a little looser, bumpier, and smellier as you hurtle towards death alongside me, Gwyneth, and Heather.



And I will end on this… In a day and age where women are nearly dying after their dogs shit on their faces…

It's comforting to think about Heather during simpler times…

If you aren't familiar, go check out her work… And take a report.


As I was about to hit send on this, Twitter alerted me of a related story…

Former supermodel, Helena Christensen… FROM THE FUCKING CLOUDS!… Tells a bikini-clad 52-year-old Heather Graham, "I will see your 52 and raise you a year to 53!"

If Helena's name doesn't ring a bell, no issue… I was never a huge fan, but I'm still here for you.

Foc Kan. Getty Images.

Here are the bullets…

  • Christensen was a big deal in the 1990s… Along with Linda Evangelista, Christy Turlington, Cindy Crawford, Naomi Campbell, Elle Macpherson, and Claudia Schiffer, she was part of "The Magnificent Seven"… Supermodel legends of the modern catwalk.
  • She starred in the music video for Chris Isaak's song "Wicked Game" which was later voted as MTV's "Sexiest Video of All-Time" back when MTV aired any M on your TV.
Giphy Images.


  • She was one of the Victoria's Secret catalog's original "Angels", along with Tyra Banks, Karen Mulder, Daniela Peštová, and Stephanie Seymour.
  • She had a baby with that guy with the perennially greasy hair from The Walking Dead, Norman Reedus.
  • And she dated INXS lead singer Michael Hutchence before he (allegedly) died while beating off.
Dave Benett. Getty Images.

Fast forward nearly 30 years and she is still operating at a very high level… Keep that in mind before you judge because I know a lot of you (including myself) will not be able to model anything by the time we turn 53… Except maybe a coffin.