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Handicapping the Next Crime Adnan Syed Will Be Arrested For

Adnan Syed of getting away with murder fame was released from prison this week. The media darling has been in the spotlight ever since he was featured on the true-crime podcast 'Serial' in 2014. In 1999, Adnan was found guilty for the murder of his girlfriend Hae Min Lee. However, Adnan's trial was badly mishandled. The courts have since discovered that the prosecution omitted key evidence, and there is now reason to believe that Adnan may be innocent. He has been released on home detention in Baltimore as he awaits a new trial.

Maybe Adnan is innocent, maybe he's not. Hopefully we will get a clear answer once this next trial is complete.

One thing I do know - Adnan will probably be convicted of another crime at some point. Everyone gets convicted of crimes. Anyone who says they've never been convicted of a crime is either a liar, or a very boring person. In this blog, I will be handicapping what crime Adnan will commit next. 

Parking Violation -210

I'm not sure if Adnan has a car or not. I feel like that's probably something you sell to pay for legal fees when you're wrongfully imprisoned for murder and you're tying to get the conviction overturned. If he does have or acquire a car, this is the obvious answer. Big cities survive off the money they make from parking tickets.

Jaywalking +375

Baltimore is very walkable city, and everybody jaywalks. Much like parking on the wrong side of the street on alternating Saturdays, Adnan is probably going to do it on a regular basis. Jaywalking tickets are just so rare. I don't think I've seen someone get a ticket for jaywalking in my entire life. There's 2 cops that stand outside my train station every morning, and every morning I jaywalk right in their faces. Everybody does. It has to be a little bit emasculating for them. Nobody even considers crossing at the actual cross walk, despite the police presence. If I were them, I'd hand out jaywalking tickets whenever I was having a bad day. Ruining someone else's day always make yours a little better. If Adnan runs into a cop who is having a bad day, then he could get a ticket.

Murder +750

Don't forget, it is still possible Adnan killed that girl. He hasn't been found innocent yet, he's just getting a new trial. He might be a murderer. Once a murderer, always a murderer. Murder once and you're hooked. That's what I've heard.

Drug Trafficking +800

Think about Adnan's current situation. He is definitely in need of money. He also just spent the last 20+ years in prison, so he is fully institutionalized. If he had to go back to jail, it wouldn't be that bad for him. He's already used to it. The real world can be overwhelming, so going back to prison might even be a relief, or at least that's what movies have taught me. That being the case, it might be worth the risk of trying to make a bunch of money very quickly by selling drugs. Much like George Jung at the end of the movie Blow, just needs one big score before he can ride off into the sunset. If he fails, then he goes back to the place he's called home for the last two decades. I'm sure he has friends there still. Probably more friends than in the real world. It's a low risk, high reward situation. 

Grand Larceny +800

Same situation as Drug Trafficking. Adnan only has a few months until he's used to being a free man again. He needs to make a move now while he's still used to prison.

Tax Evasion +1000

If Adnan doesn't try to score big with a drug deal or a heist, then he will probably go the influencer route. He has enough clout that he could make money off of Instagram or a podcast. OnlyFans would be an option as well. He would have to show penis of course, but if he's willing to get freaky, he could definitely make a living off it. A lot of Only Fans stars get in trouble for tax evasion. You don't get to just keep all that money they give you. I would have no clue how to handle my taxes in an Only Fans situation. Someone who has been in prison for the last 20 years would have it even harder. He probably doesn't even know what taxes are. If Adnan goes the influencer route, he very well might get popped by the IRS. The odds here would be shorter but the IRS works slowly. It will be a couple years before they get around to busting him. It's likely he will have already committed a smaller crime by the time they make an arrest.

Indecent Exposure +1500

If Adnan exposed his genitalia to someone in public, he could get arrested for indecent exposure. I highly doubt he would do this, but that's why the odds are so long. He doesn't strike me as the kind of guy who would flash, but you can't always identify a flasher unless he's wearing a long trench coat. Flashers love long trench coats because they can wear no clothing underneath, then open up their coat and BAM! - genitalia. These odds will change if I see any pictures of Adnan in a trench coat.

Helping Someone Flee Texas to get an Abortion +2500

That's illegal now. I have no reason to believe that Adnan will be going to Texas anytime soon, but who knows, maybe he wants to join the Dana and Glenny Balls college tour. Or consider this - Adnan writes a book and goes on tour across the country. He meets a girl who's obsessed with serial killers and takes her back to his hotel room. He doesn't use protection because he's too caught up in the moment. He pulled out and everything, but he didn't account for the pre-cum. The girl asks him to pay for her abortion, and Adnan obliges. He doesn't think anything of it at the time, so he pays for the girls flight to see a doctor in New York. He didn't know that the FBI was monitoring his Facebook messages. They were tracking his conversations with this girl the whole time. The FBI meets them outside of the planned parenthood and they both get arrested for abortion.

No Crimes +150

There's a pretty good chance he never commits a crime. The more I think about it, there's probably a good amount of people who will live the rest of their lives without receiving a citation of any sort. Adnan is probably going to be super careful from here on out. Unfortunately, this bet won't pay out until he dies, so it will be a while before you can collect on your money, so I'd just put a good amount on murder.