Live EventThe Unnamed Show With Dave Portnoy, Kirk Minihane, Ryan Whitney - Ep. 16Watch Now
Stella Blue Coffee | Win A Game Day Experience With Big CatLEARN MORE

Advertisement

Brazilian Spornsexual & His 8 Smoking Hot Wives: It's Not all Fun and Sex!

The man with the hot wives is named Arthur O Urso, and he recently came out as a spornsexual. 

What's that? You don't know what a spornsexual is? It's 2022 guys, be better. A spornsexual is, "a straight man who is fragranced, buffed, ripped, groomed, and selfie-adoring". They are also completely void of body hair. But all you really need to know is that they are courageous and brave. We need to take them very seriously.

Arthur's bravery goes beyond coming out as a sporny. Least year, he fearlessly took a stance against the dynasty that is 'monogamy' when he married 8 women at the same time. Brazil does not recognize any of the marriages as legal, so they don't really count, but it was a crushing blow to monogamy nonetheless.

Advertisement

At first glance, it might seem like Arthur's life is all fun and sex, but it's not that simple. Arthur says his wives demand he stay in top shape, or else he gets lectured. And when it comes to sex, it's impossible to fill 8 women at once. He's been forced to make a "sex schedule" to assure his haram is properly satisfied. 

Despite the struggles of having 1 real wife and 7 fake ones, Arthur says he's not done yet. His dream is to someday have 10 wives, and a child with every wife. He got up to 9 at one point, until one wife selfishly decided that she no longer wanted to share her man with 8 other women.

It's easy to crack jokes about someone like Arthur. But before you do, walk a mile in his shoes. Imagine coming home after a long day of not work. All you want to do is relax on the couch and watch some futbol. But as soon as you walk in the door, you hear arguing.

Wife #1: "I love Arthur's penis the most!"

Wife #2: "No I love his penis the most!"

Wife #1: "You don't appreciate it like I do!"

Wife #2: "Yes I do, it's such an amazing penis!"

You: "Girls, girls, it's ok it's not a competition"

Wife #3: "What are you guys arguing about?"

Wife #1: "Arthur's penis!"

Wife #3: "Oh my god I love it so much!"

Wife #4: "Not as much as me!"

Wife #3: "Shut up, Wife #4! If there's anyone in this house who loves his penis the most it's me!"

Wife #5: "You wish Wife #3! I think about his penis 24/7! It's the thing I love most in the world!"

Wife #6: "If you all love his penis so much then why aren't you sucking it right now?"

Wife #7 comes from out of nowhere and starts sucking your penis

Wife #7: I love your penis! (sucking noises)

Wife #8: "Make room for me!" (grabs your balls)

Wife #5: "That's not even his penis those are his balls!"

Wife #8: "The balls are part of the penis!"

Wife #2: "What are you talking about no they aren't"

Wife #8: "Yes they are!"

Wife #2: "You're so stupid that's not even a thing that people argue. The penis is the penis and the balls are the balls"

Wife #8: "Fine I love his balls too then!"

Wife #1: "I love his balls more!"

Wife #4: "No I love his balls more!"

And so on.. 

Arthur deals with situations like this every day. It is not all fun and sex. Sometimes it's conflict and sex. I have nothing but respect and admiration for Arthur the Spornsexual.

Advertisement