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'It Was A Shit Feeling' - Soccer Player In Germany Was Benched This Weekend For Taking Too Long On The Toilet

[Source] - EX-CHELSEA starlet Miro Muheim has been dumped by his manager for spending too long on the TOILET. 

However boss Tim Walter axed the left-back on Saturday for the clash with Fortuna Dusseldorf.

Muheim has admitted: "I arrived late at the training ground as I had been on the toilet and simply forgotten the time.

"I accepted it, as I had made a mistake - but it was a s**t feeling all the same.

This isn't about Hamburg sneaking out a 2-0 win without Miro Muheim. Oh no, this is strictly a toilet blog. How much time you spend on the toilet is something that I feel like has been debated for years among men - because girls don't poop. Duh. 

For centuries men have gone to the toilet with a task at hand. That task? Shit your brains out, read the paper and get some peace and quiet if you have a family. It's the one time you can sit there quietly without someone asking you questions or needing attention. You sit on something that was correctly called a porcelain throne and crack open that magazine or paper. Nowadays it's all about scrolling Twitter or social media or playing some sort of game on your phone. Whatever it is, time can get away from you in there. 

That's why I stand (or sit) with Miro Muheim. Time got away from him. How's he supposed to know he was running late to the training ground? There are no clocks in the bathroom for a reason. Speaking of bathroom things - the best part of ESPN Zone back in the day (RIPIP) were the screens above the urinal. Didn't have to worry about missing a Mike Mussina pitch or a Brady Anderson at-bat while standing in the beautiful Baltimore Harbor. That's truly the one thing missing in my life. Screens in the bathroom. Miro is likely rich, maybe he was watching something? Maybe he was reading the Barstool blog? Whomst to say, but there has to be a reason he was taking so long. 

It just reminds me of a shitty job I had in my early-20s. I know KFC used to talk about Cubicle Chronicles all the time and I'm probably one of the few bloggers here who spent a long time in the cubes. Anywho, there was this mid-level manager who was the biggest stereotype ever. Would put a newspaper under his arm at the same exact time every single day and head to the bathroom. Came back without the paper every single day as that was in the trash. Dude was counting down the days until retirement and draining the clock. Never seen anything like it. No shame, no nothing. 

Great reaction to the quote though by saying it's a shit feeling. Bubble guts isn't fun.