Good News: The McDonald's Axe Maniac Says He's "Not Unhinged" And Believes He Showed Composure While Destroying Everything In Sight

NY Post

In case you missed it, this past weekend a crazy man lost his marbles down in the Lower East Side after he was rejected by a girl while waiting for his grub. Here's the clip that is well worth watching in its entirety. 

Okay now that you're caught up, let's get to the good news. The axe wielding man has spoken! Did he apologize? Did he give an excuse for his deranged actions? No, instead he clarified some hellacious rumors circling the streets since he whipped out his trusty axe and nearly destroyed a McDonald's/murdered dozens. 

“I’m not unhinged"

HUGE news for everyone living in NYC. For a second there I thought this guy was unhinged, but now that he's come out and declared himself "not unhinged" I feel like that closes the book on this one. No worry at all moving forward that he's still out in the streets walking around with his hatchet. Confirmed not unhinged, everyone relax. He goes onto clarify his actions for those who aren't convinced. 

“I’m not a loose canon,” Palacios insisted. “I don’t think just because I’m angry and going through some s–t, I’m going to hurt other people. … People are saying, ‘Oh, these guys are lucky.’ It had nothing to do with luck.

“So, 10 years ago, somebody got hit with a hammer. Today, somebody hit a table with a f–king hatchet. I think things are getting better, if you ask me.”

Not a loose cannon, got it. This guy and a kid who lost in a video game are basically the same person if you think about it. One smashed tables with an axe, the other tossed his controller at the wall. Both angry and no one died, so really is there an issue here?

 According to this fella, using a hammer as a weapon over an axe is an improvement with society. I respectfully have to disagree. While both can certainly do damage, an axe is sharp and can gut you. The hammer is heavier and potentially exudes more force, but axes are no bueno in my mind. 

“Think about it. If you only think that the thing you can protect yourself with is a gun, we’re all going to go to f–king jail,” he said. “With a hatchet, I have my options — throw it or just smash a f–king table. With a gun, all you do is shoot.

Is he implying the answer to gun violence in America is for everyone to holster an axe? The versatility with an axe is clearly getting slept on it seems. An axe is versatile that you can smash a table with or throw it through someone's head. A gun? Thing stinks, all you can do is shoot someone with it. One trick pony if I've ever seen one. Get everyone carrying an axe and we'll be in a better spot as a country according to this guy. 

This next quote is killing me

“I showed composure. People just see blankness, but I was thinking,” Palacios said. “I was processing. You ever download a program and the Apple sign spins? That was me processing.”

This guy believes he showed composure. Some would say an example of showing composure might be a QB who is trailing by multiple scores in the 4th quarter, but doesn't crack and goes onto lead his team to victory. According to this man showing composure is slinging his axe around and destroying table after table, putting the fear of God into everyone in the building. Is he trying to say he kept his composure by not murdering anyone? He did eat all those punches to be fair, but once you grab the axe I don't know if I can say composure was contained. 

“Nobody trains for this,” he said. “The average person doesn’t train to fight off three people. I’m just lucky, I guess, that I drink enough water, and I do enough pushups to fend off three young adults. I’m just a regular guy. No military training.” 

He also credits drinking water and doing pushups for fending off the three guys who were going at him. I LOVE how he's refusing to acknowledge he had a fucking axe in his hand. Nah, no one was fucking around with a guy who does pushups and drinks water, forget the axe. 

P.S. If my Uber Eats surcharge goes up moving forward when I order late night McDonald's because of a safety tax I'm going to lose it.