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Dumping Them Out: Cracking the Top 20

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I like her tats.

Dumping Them Out is back for yet another Sunday of Boob GIF's and personal anecdotes that nobody cares about but seem to tolerate because of the boobs. I might soon be resorting to more boob heavy content, because I would like to make the Top 20 Blogger list. Ever since Dave started reading the list on Pick'em, I have been feeling terrible about myself. I'm not always sure what is expected of me at Barstool, but I feel like someone who was specifically hired to blog should probably be cracking the Top 20. 

I did have my most viewed blog ever on Friday. It was titled Erin Andrews Cheats Death on The Phone With Aaron Rodgers. It didn't have anything to do with Aaron Rodgers. It was a story about Erin Andrews' Uber driver falling asleep at the wheel while she was in the backseat. She just happened to be on the same conference call as Aaron Rodgers at the time. Using his name was clickbait. I also mistakinlgy said that she was on her way to Green Bay for the Packers/Vikings game. The game was actually played in Minnesota. So it was also inaccurate. It's a little frustrating when I spend a whole day trying to write something hilarious, and it gets no clicks. But then I can spend maybe 90 minutes retelling a story that Erin Andrews already told, and it's on the top of the blog for over 24 hours. I suppose I could just stop being a bitch about it and write both kinds of blogs. Yeah that's what I'll do.

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New topic: How many days until the Texas A&M Yell Leaders get bullied out of doing the Midnight Yell entirely. The video of this week's Midnight Yell leaked once again. It wasn't as bad as the Appalachian State one, but still was incredibly cringey. 

Unfortunately, nobody uploaded the video of them sacrificing puppies this week. But now that they have the internet's full attention, the video is going to get leaked every week. Meaning every week there's going to be an internet roasting of Texas A&M. It's so embarrassing. I have a hard time watching the clips all the way through. If we all say enough mean and hurtful things to them, maybe they'll stop doing it. The least we can do is try. 

Both my college football teams won in overtime this weekend. I realize it's kind of bullshit to have 2 teams, but the 2 teams are the Indiana Hoosiers, and the Bowling Green Falcons. I feel like that's ok. I think a good rule of thumb is if you can combine the rosters of the teams you cheer for and they would still suck, then you can claim both of them. 

I'm a big fan of Stu Feiner. Very nice man. Most mornings he tweets out something like this.

I like to imagine a world where Stu doesn't actually run whatsoever. He's never run a day in his life. Every morning he makes a motivational video, then takes an enormous bong rip. He cooks himself a 5000 calorie breakfast, eats it, then goes back to sleep. Unfortunately, I think he does run, which is good (although less funny). He's been taking his health seriously lately. Working out is important. 

If you're looking to take a 1-on-1 online workout class, I found someone who might be able to help.

I did a fantasy football card draft with Coach Duggs and Frank (The Tank) on Thursday. 

I was filling in for Jersey Jerry because he had to throw his son a multi-million dollar birthday party. Duggs asked me if I had an hour to spare around 6pm, and I said of course. I had no clue what I was getting into, but I try to say yes to things, and it was only for an hour. But when I showed up to the draft, I realized it was going to be a whole thing. I walked into the room, and it was Duggs, Frank, and at least 6 people from a company called LUDEX. LUDEX had flown what I think was their whole company from Chicago to NYC, specifically to do a draft with us. So it was a whole event.

My first thought was, "Damn Duggs, you kinda undersold me on this only being an hour." But I gave it a chance, and it was really cool. Very glad I did it. LUDEX is a trading card app that lets you to scan your card and it tells you how much it's worth. The LUDEX guys were super nice, and were very excited to be there. The draft was like a regular fantasy football draft, but you drafted the players cards. The winner or the league is whoever's cards increase in value the most each week. So you want to draft young players, or players that you think are about to blow up. It doesn't make sense to draft established players, because their value is pretty much already set. Unless they die or something. I just thought of that. I bet if a player dies his value skyrockets. The best thing you can do is have a player die. Probably. Here is the team I picked for Jerry.

The TE is Pat Freiermuth, but they were missing that card. Also, this years rookie cards aren't out yet, which is why there are no actually rookies on the team. But if Trey Lance, Zach Wilson, or any of the players I drafted really blow up this year, then my team is going to kick ass. I would love to do a larger league with more people. I think it would be really fun. 

The LUDEX gentleman also gave me a Peyton Manning game worn jersey card. Very nice man. They all taught me a lot about the trading card world, and now I want to invest in some cards.

 

People forget that Peyton Manning dragged his sack across a trainer's face when he was at Tennessee (allegedly).

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