Cue the Duckboats | Championship Collection for Banner 18SHOP HERE

Advertisement

Hundreds Of Short Kings Around The Country Are Flying To Vegas To Have Their Legs Broken And Rods Inserted So That They Can Grow 3-6 Inches

before (guy on the left)                                                                      after (still guy on the left)

photo credits/GQ

Wild, wild stuff from GQ and it's a lengthy (and good) read above, but I'll throw out the highlights:

- People are flying out to Vegas for surgeries where they literally have both of their femurs snapped by a chisel-like instrument to grow 3 inches

- The doctor drills a 2-foot long bit straight up through the femur and inserts a rod into the femur

- Some sort of remote-controlled magnet moves the rod one millimeter every day for 90 days so that the bone continues to heal itself into a longer bone (this is tough to word but you get the gist)

- If 3 inches is not enough, you can also circle back and get your tibias snapped and go for 3 more inches for a grand total of 6 inches

- The full healing process for the femurs takes about a year and costs anywhere between $70k and $150k.

Now… before dishing my thoughts I should preface that I am not among those vertically afflicted. I am a squishy 6 foot 1 who enjoys the many thrills of the weather up here and loves telling people I'm 6'2. Sue me. 

I saw this story this morning and gave it a good 3-4 hours for one of the halflings in this company to blog what I saw as a surefire click-getter and none of those Eddie Gaedels stepped up to the plate. Kind of shocking in this suddenly hyper-competitive blog world that we live in that a part-timer such as myself could capitalize on this. Maybe my clickbait compass is off but probably not. We'll see.

Regardless… on to the story…

This seems like such a surefire no-brainer for anybody whose best athletic days are behind them. And if you're a hooper just south of the 7 foot mark, maybe it's worth it ASAP. Doc says you'll probably lose a step but 3 (or 6) inches just might be the difference between a $64 million Ian Mahinmi boondoggle deal and sitting on your couch. It's certainly worth a thought.

But seriously. In this post-COVID day and age where you can work remote and not see a soul for weeks and months at a time, the sacrifices made are minimal. You can disappear for a while and come out a new man. And the financial end really isn't all that prohibitive. One of these fellas is financing the entire operation and is paying $1,200 a month over 5 years to get it done. For what the benefits are, that's nothing. If anything this doctor is fucking up by not charging far more to have this done.

The biggest thing, and this is where I throw a bone to all the short kings out there (no pun intended but totally intended), is that short guy energy in a tall guy body is a dangerous thing for all of us 6 foot naturals. You short kings have been out there grinding, working out and getting fit and developing all kinds of soft skills just to get by. Meanwhile I've been coasting my whole life on minimal effort, a doughboy body, and a blasé personality getting decent results. The second all the short kings out there get on my literal level, that's it for me. I'm left in the dust. I'm cooked.

Advertisement

So I implore this doctor out in Vegas… please make the cost of this thing more prohibitive. And definitely do not entertain the offers from many to franchise your practice and have this become a trend around the country. We have an ecosystem in place here. You can't be going around and turning that ecosystem on its head all willy nilly. It'd be chaos in the streets. I live a very cushy life in my ivory tower and I'd like to keep it that way.